Solitude Chronicles
by Recode
Summary: Disappointed with their lovers, Shuichi and Ryuichi quit their bands and disappear only to rock Japan with their new group: 'One', after a year. Will Yuki and Tatsuha win their hardened hearts back? YxS, RxT [Chapter 8 Up Finally]
1. Prologue 01: The Last Smile

**Title:** Solitude Chronicles  
**Date Started:** March 9, 2005  
**Author:** Angel  
**Warnings:** Foul language, self-mutilation  
**Summary:** Disappointed with their lovers, Shuichi and Ryuichi quit their bands and disappear only to rock Japan with their new group: **One**, after a year. Will Yuki and Tatsuha win their hardened hearts back?  
**Main Pairings:** YukixShuichi, TatsuhaxRyuichi  
**Disclaimer:** Gravitation is the creation of the talented Maki Murakami-sama. It belongs to said mangaka, Sony, and any other companies I may not know of. This fan fiction is for entertainment purposes only. Please do not sue!

Alright… I know I still have to finish '**And If The Sun Won't Shine…**' but this damn plot bunnies won't leave me alone! So, welcome to my new Gravitation fan fiction, '**Solitude Chronicles**'. I won't abandon AitSWS. As for this fic, I still don't know how I'm going to end it. So, any ideas and suggestions are greatly welcomed. The **poem** used in this chapter in '**Hidden Words: 01**' by me. No taking it without permission, pls! It's copyrighted to me (refer to The International Library of Poetry). Okay, enjoy the story!

"_Everything I say  
You find a way to make it  
Sound like I was born just yesterday  
Everything you taught me  
Doesn't mean a thing  
So I'm going my way_"  
**- 'I Won't Be There' by Simple Plan –**

**PROLOGUE: 01  
The Last Smile  
**

The sound of adept fingers on tortured keyboard keys resonated throughout the silent apartment. A pair of golden eyes behind expensive wire-frames was glued to the blinking monitor screen. Word after word filled the once empty Microsoft Word document, and its owner, Yuki Eiri the romance novelist sighed in satisfaction. His concentration was in tact even when the door to the study creaked open softly.

"…Yuki?" A small voice cut through the silence with great caution. The tone of the voice was off but Yuki thought it was just an act. After all, this was his lover, pink-haired extraordinaire – Shindou Shuichi. Yuki did not answer so Shuichi tried again. "Yuki."

Again, the pleading voice was ignored.

"Yuki, I don't feel good. I think I'm sick."

Yuki rolled his eyes. His hands did not stop from what he was doing, eyes still fixed on the screen. Shuichi only said that to get his attention. "Then go see a doctor, _gaki_." He did not see Shuichi flinched at his cold reply, nor did he notice the violet eyes darkening.

"It's raining outside. You know I don't have a car."

"Call a taxi, then."

"Can't you please –"

"No. I'm busy." He knew Shuichi was about to ask him to drive the singer to the clinic or hospital. Yuki suppressed the urge to laugh. Shuichi was so gullible. '_C'mon, Shuichi. Whine. I know you would._' Despite how bad he treated his young lover, Yuki did love Shuichi. True, he never told the singer so but over the years, he thought Shuichi should have found out by now. The expected whining never came. Shuichi just answered with a soft "Okay" and left Yuki to work in peace.

Yuki stared at the closed door incredulously. This had been going on for over a week already. He wondered if the boy was really sick but he looked fine the last time Yuki saw him. The novelist shrugged and continued typing, cursing and damning his deadlines under his breath.

He was so caught up in his writing that he failed to hear the sound of the front door clicking shut.

The next morning found Yuki staring at the note attached to the front door. He had fallen asleep in the study the night before. The words written there brought tears to his eyes. The phone rang out of the blue. Yuki let the answering machine took care of the call.

"Aniki!" It was Tatsuha. "Pick up the phone, I know you're there. Aniki, is Shuichi there? My Ryuichi's gone!" Tatsuha sounded like he was crying but Yuki was not in the right state himself to be able to comfort someone. Yuki Eiri was always the comforted, never the comforter.

More tears found their way down Yuki's solemn face. Why had he failed to see this coming? What had possessed him to block the boy's constant pleas for attention? Yuki took the note and hugged it to his chest. The words were blotched by what he suspected to be tears but every word was still clear. As for the tears on it, he was not sure to whom they belonged. Shuichi's stuff were gone, leaving only the sorrowful little note.

_Gust plays with my little heart, whispering words  
Of love and loathe, and  
Of the cruelty of life; like emotions never shown.  
Desperately, I search for your hands  
But they aren't there, no more.  
You disappear before my words form,  
Ending my last, remaining hope of salvation._

_Memories threaten to break me.  
Yet I wish still for another chance._

_Loving you; the best thing I ever did, but  
Over the years, I guess I've known  
Victory is never meant for me, and  
Endings of my story are never mine to choose._

The attached note carried Shuichi's hidden words for the novelist. His last, hidden words carefully written on a piece of plain, white paper. Take the first letter out of each line and you'll see the message, clear as day.

'_GOODBYE MY LOVE_'

For the rest of the day and the days ahead, the apartment was once again silent.

No more cheerful greetings…

No more waterworks, no more whining…

No more whispers of love and pleas for attention…

No more Shindou Shuichi…

And Yuki Eiri cried silent tears of regret.

**- Coming Up: Prologue 02 -**

The second prologue will be about Tatsuha and Ryuichi and what drove the vocalist away. There will be four parts of prologue before the story kicks off fully. The third and forth will be written from Shuichi and Ryuichi's POV. Just don't kill me for stopping here! I promise I'll update ASAP. For now…

**Reviews**, anyone? Please? Please? Please? Please? Please? Please? Please? Please? And please don't forget to read and review "**And If The Sun Won't Shine…**"


	2. Prologue 02: The Last Laugh

"_Where has my heart gone  
Trapped in the eyes of a stranger  
I want to go back to  
Believing in everything_"  
**- 'Field of Innocence' by Evanescence –**

**PROLOGUE: 02  
The Last Laugh  
**

It was raining outside, adding to the sadness in one Sakuma Ryuichi's heart.

Ryuichi knew how old Tatsuha was.

He was also very well aware of how old he was.

A year ago, the two had become lovers. That one fateful day was one of the happiest days in Ryuichi's life. The vocalist of Nittle Grasper had been alone for far too long. No one seemed to love him for whom he was. He had thought Tatsuha was the right one but now he did not know what to think anymore…

Almost everyday, Ryuichi had to endure the pain of seeing his lover either kissed or being kissed by girls his age. Tatsuha did not know. Ryuichi always tried to find time to greet him from school but Tatsuha never knew. Staring at Tatsuha's sleeping form on their bed, Ryuichi put his precious Kumagorou on his side of the bed and smiled sadly. Over the week, Ryuichi wondered how long it would be until Tatsuha realised what the teen was feeling was not really love, at least that's what Ryuichi thought. But still, Ryuichi loved him with all his heart. He just could not take the pain eat at hi dying heart anymore.

Never once did he saw Tatsuha pushed those girls away. The boy seemed to be content, very content. And Ryuichi's heart bled. Giving his lover's face one last look, he silently crept out of the bedroom and to the front door where his suitcases waited for him. He was going away, leaving the apartment they shared to Tatsuha. Ryuichi did not want to clip Tatsuha's wings anymore. He was young, too young.

If only he had seen this coming…

With a silent goodbye, Ryuichi walked away from the one he loved the most.

Uesugi Tatsuha woke up the next morning with a start. He frantically searched for his lover but to no avail. His eyes widened in horror as he noticed the singer's clothes and suitcases were gone. '_No. Nittle Grasper is not going on tour. The crowd would have known. I would have known if there is! Where is Ryuichi?_' Running towards the phone, he called the first person he could think of. Shuichi! If memory served him correctly, the young vocalist was not yet at work. Maybe he was having breakfast with his brother. Shuichi had become Ryuichi's best friend over the years. He had to know where Tatsuha's lover was!

Tatsuha was already crying by the time the he was answered by the answering machine. "Aniki! Pick up the phone, I know you're there. Aniki, is Shuichi there? My Ryuichi's gone!" The sorrow was apparent in his voice. What had he done wrong? What had he done to drive sweet Ryuichi away?

'_What are you? Dumb? You fool around when you know perfectly well that you're with him and you asked what have you done wrong!_' Tatsuha's conscience spat bitterly.

'But… Ryuichi didn't know that! I didn't fool around. I never cheated on him. It was just a kiss… and some.'

'_Try 'kisses', you asshole. How can you be so sure he didn't know? What if he was there?_'

The train of thoughts stopped there. Waiting for Yuki to answer the phone was hopeless. He returned to his room and stared blankly at the stuff bunny on the bed. Picking it up, Tatsuha hugged it to his chest.

'_Ryuichi…_'

**- Coming Up -  
Chapitre 1: Letting Go**

Ooookay… I've decided to skip the third and fourth prologue. I'm just dying to get to the actual chapter. I figured I'll add some flashbacks and reflections later in the next chapters. Keep in mind, my prologues are short but my chapters aren't. Don't complain about the length just yet.

**_GETTING UP AND PERSONAL_**  
**Akuma:** Woot! Me is so glad that you also like AitSWS! Yep, millions other fics have this start but I'll make sure things are different as the story flows on. You really think the poem's good? Thank you! It's actually a published piece under my real name. Thanks for reading and reviewing. Please keep supporting me, Aku-sama!  
**RedIris:** O.o Actually, they ALL have to suffer. Mwahaha!  
**Naria:** Noooo! Yuki can't die! Er… Ahem! As for what Shu does, I guess it's kinda clear in the summary.  
**teqnicolor:** I'll try to make sure it's worth your time. Thanks for reading and reviewing.  
**miki:** Will do.  
**THE YAOI CRITIQUE:** Thank you!  
**otherworld:** Patience is a virtue. Tee hee hee!  
**Shinigami Fujimiya-Maxwel:** Updated!  
**Reiyuka:** I'm not happy about the self-mutilation thing either but it's necessary to this story. I just love torturing the characters.  
**zafiro carillo:** Me lurve your name! I updated. Yay!  
**Little Fox Kit:** (smiles and blushes) Thanks. I don't think it was that good, though.  
**Eudoxus:** Yep, Yuki is going to have to go out of his way to get his Shuichi back! Yay! God, I'm such a sadist.

OMG! My biggest exam result comes out today! Gotta go prepare. As for now, please leave me some reviews!


	3. Chapitre 1: Letting Go

Before we proceed. I would like to thank all of my reviewers. 25 reviews in one day… That's a new record for me! Thank you! Thank you! When you're reading this, please keep in mind that English is NOT my mother tongue. Okay?

The song '**Hello, love!**' is MINE.

"_An artist without a brush  
Can't paint upon the canvas  
Without you here - there is no colour  
A colourless landscape_"  
**- 'Shallow Sleep' by Hyde –**

**CHAPITRE 1: LETTING GO**

Mournful melody danced in the air of the dim, lifeless but spacious room or rather – a hall. Deft fingers glided gracefully across the keys, combining the black and white keys with ease. Shuichi had his eyes closed as he played the grand piano. His once messy pink hair was now dyed mahogany. He kept the colour of his eyes. Said eyes, although were still very much beautiful, was now lacking in vitality. He wore a sad smile on his face as the melody played on. The light was suddenly switched on but Shuichi kept playing. Footsteps approached and stopped behind him. Without turning back, Shuichi knew the owner of the footsteps was memorising the song he was playing. As the song came to its end, the man behind him applauded. "Awesome! That's a great song, Shu-chan." Shuichi smiled and stood up to greet the man.

It was Ryuichi.

"I was bored."

Ryuichi went around the younger man to have a look at the music notes. "Great title too. 'Letting Go'. How fitting." Almost a year had passed since Shuichi and Ryuichi left their lovers. Yet, they still could not let go of the love they felt inside for them. The two singers changed a lot. Shuichi was no longer to hyperactive ball of energy, and neither was Ryuichi. Without Kumagorou, Ryuichi was more like his stage self. Shuichi, on the other hand, was a lot more composed and mature. No more did he bounce and whine. No more did he smile as brightly as before. The love they harboured towards their lovers was strong. Shuichi and Ryuichi doubted they would ever fall in love again. Somehow, they always seemed cheerful and happy when they were around everybody else.

Shuichi walked to stand by the window. He watched as rain continued assaulting the ground. The storm was raging wild out there, just like the turbulent storm that was tossing and turning in his heart. This was one of the rare summer days in Los Angeles, with rain mercilessly pounding the ground and blocking the glistening summer sun. It was as if the sky was crying for Shuichi and Ryuichi.

The night they left Yuki and Tatsuha, it was raining very much like this too.

"It's been a year, hasn't it?" Ryuichi's question broke the silence. A thunder roared angrily, shaking the ground before the blinding light it came with disappeared into the horizon. Shuichi nodded but did not turn around. "Indeed, it has."

Approximately a year ago, Shuichi and Ryuichi bumped into each other in their hurry to reach the entrance to Narita Airport. They both had stopped to look at each other for the longest time before realising that they both were carrying large suitcases. For over an hour, they sat and talked. The conversation had been emotional – both cried as they narrated their stories. As understanding was gained, Shuichi and Ryuichi bought a plane ticket to Los Angeles and left everything they had in Japan behind.

"A year has passed but I'm still as pathetic as ever," said Shuichi, chuckling lightly as he spoke. Ryuichi caught his chuckle and laughed softly. "Aren't we all?"

Just then, the clock struck nine. The chime of the grandfather clock standing at the farthest corner of the hall stole away the much-appreciated silence. Shuichi listened as Ryuichi hurried out of the hall and padded back a moment later. "Time to take your medicine, Shu-chan." Shuichi sighed and turned around. Ryuichi stood in front of him with a bottle of white pills and a glass or warm plain water. The younger singer pop two pills and swallowed. When Ryuichi took the glass back, Shuichi immediately gripped the older man's wrist. The light wince that crossed Ryuichi's face for a mere second was not missed.

"You've been doing it again."

Ryuichi's eyes widened considerably at the statement. He stood frozen as Shuichi threw the glass away and seized his hand, pulling the sleeve of Ryuichi's shirt up to his elbow. Three freshly cleaned cuts marred the soft, fair flesh. Shuichi looked at them with horror in his eyes. "Ryuichi… Why didn't you tell me?" Ryuichi yanked his hand away as Shuichi's grip loosened. The cuts were not deep but it was still there nonetheless. And Shuichi did not like this in the slightest. The older man hung his head in shame. "I don't want you to worry," he said almost in a whisper. "Ryuichi," Shuichi cupped Ryuichi's face and forced the man to look into his eyes. "Only one of us dying is enough. And that dying person is me."

Ryuichi's eyes darkened. "You're not dying!"

"C'mon, Ryuichi. You know very well that my ailment could result in death."

Shuichi was immediately crushed in Ryuichi's embrace. The older man sobbed, refusing to let go. "You're not dying. You're recovering. You're going to be fine soon enough. Just please don't stop your medication. I promise I'll never cut myself again!" Shuichi smiled sadly. "Good." Over the years, Ryuichi had developed some sort of mother hen complex when it came to Shuichi. He was always there to check on him. They both lived in Ryuichi's mansion in LA. A few weeks after moving in to the mansion, Shuichi coughed up blood and was driven to the hospital by a frantic Ryuichi.

He was then diagnosed with Acute Bronchitis.

The doctor immediately advised Shuichi to stop smoking, resulting in face-faults on Shuichi and Ryuichi's parts. Of course, our precious Shuichi never smoked. Shuichi had cried, almost wanting to fly back to Japan to make sure Yuki was fine – that the novelist did not contract the same disease. Ryuichi stopped him, though, saying it was better this way. He figured this ailment was the result of massive air pollution in Tokyo plus Yuki's second-hand smoke. To speak of the truth, the atmosphere in LA was not much better but the mansion was a superb place to live in. At least someone was taking care of him here. Ryuichi doubted Yuki would take care of the younger man if he were sick. Ryuichi placed a small kiss on Shuichi's forehead and left with the bottle of medicine. Shuichi gazed at the broken glass. Tiny pieces of shattered glass glistened under the light.

'_I'm such a hypocrite,_' he thought. Every time he saw pieces of broken glass with rough and sharp edges, he had this sudden urge to cut himself. Unlike Ryuichi, Shuichi preferred running the sharp objects across his thigh. That way, no one knew of his little secret, not even Ryuichi. When Ryuichi cut himself, he would always make three small cuts. Shuichi knew why. Each cut represented a word. Three cuts meant 'I miss you', 'I need you' and 'I love you'. Just like Shuichi could not let go of Yuki, Ryuichi loved Tatsuha too much to let go.

They were both hopeless.

Yuki Eiri was typing away the new chapter of his novel. Beside him, a CD was playing. It was an exclusive imported CD by a group called 'One'. After Shuichi left, Yuki found himself not capable of living in silence. He missed Shuichi's chatter. 'One' is a group of two male singers. Yuki found their songs interesting. Besides, one of the vocalists' voice reminded him of Shuichi's - smooth, sultry and melodious. He always found himself crying as he listened to One's sad songs. He missed Shuichi so much. If only he was not such an ignorant bastard…

Tohma was devastated when he found out about Ryuichi and Shuichi's disappearance. Bad Luck and Nittle Grasper were disbanded and a new band was born – Fiery Star. Tohma decided to retire from the keyboard. The ex-members of Bad Luck and Nittle Grasper starred Fiery Star; Hiro the guitarist, Noriko the keyboardist, and Suguru the vocalist.

_Hello, love!  
I have to go.  
I'll miss you  
but I know you won't.  
I'll always love you  
but I know you'll move on._

_Hello, love!  
I'm sorry for being a bother.  
I'll leave to save you the pain  
that I know I inflicted.  
I'll let you live your life.  
I won't clip your wings anymore._

Yuki paused and looked at the radio as the song 'Hello, love!' played. It felt as though Shuichi was singing the song for him. The lyrics were mournful but the music was not. It reminded Yuki of the last night Shuichi spoke to him.

"_Yuki, I don't feel very good. I think I'm sick."_

God, how much would it hurt to just turn around and check on his lover? The words had been delivered in a very timid voice so unlike Shuichi. Yuki regretted the night the most. The pain he felt when his mentor 'sold' him could not compare to the pain of losing Shuichi. He listened as another voice joined in at the chorus.

_Spread your wings and fly  
High above the sky  
I won't pull you back  
I'll set you free, my dear  
I'll walk away  
but forget you I won't  
My heart stays with you  
as will my love and soul  
I will always miss those days  
When I could still call you and say  
"Hello, love!"_

This particular song had been on top of the chart for six weeks straight. Oricon Chart, World Chart, US Chart, UK Chart – you name it. It was as if the melody possessed strong, invisible strings to bind people to it. No one knows how the two members of One looked like. They refused to reveal themselves yet. One of them was called Sage and the other was Rage. On their album and single covers were only shadows. Yuki wondered if Sage and Rage were really their names.

The front door slammed shut with a bang. Yuki winced. Tatsuha must be in a bad mood. After a big row with their father a few months prior, Tatsuha decided to stop his training to be a monk and stopped visiting his family's temple. Tohma signed him up to an exclusive college in Tokyo for business administration course. He would work for NG Records. Since then, Tatsuha had been living with his brother. Without asking for permission, the younger brother helped himself into Yuki's study and landed on the comfy couch there. He could feel his tension ebbing as he listened to One's 'Hello, love!'. Like Yuki, the song made Tatsuha sad. Rage's voice was very much like Ryuichi and Tatsuha missed the young man with every fibre in his body. He stopped fooling around and talked no one except Yuki, Tohma, Mika and members of Fiery Star.

"These guys sure have great voice," Tatsuha commented, closing his eyes to feel the emotions in the music. Yuki nodded in agreement. "It's like listening to them speak directly to our hearts."

_Hello, love!  
I have to go.  
I asked for your hands  
but you never answered.  
I'll always miss you  
but I know you'll just laugh it off._

_Hello, love!  
I'll let you live your life.  
I won't clip your wings anymore._

Yuki was brought back from his reverie at Tatsuha's sudden chocked sob. The latter hid his face behind a cushion and sobbed. "Aniki… I miss Ryuichi. I miss him so much. I can't let go of him in my heart. I just can't!" Yuki knew better than to comfort Tatsuha. He had nothing to say to make his brother felt better when his heart was turmoil of sorrow itself. If only Shuichi would come back…

_Spread your wings and fly  
High above the sky  
I won't pull you back  
I'll set you free, my dear  
I'll walk away  
but forget you I won't  
My heart stays with you  
as will my love and soul  
I will always miss those days  
When I could still call you and say  
"Hello, love!"_

Turning away from Tatsuha, Yuki let a lone tear fell down his cheek. '_Shuichi, wherever you are… I hope you'll come back to me one day._'

After another two weeks, One was still on top of all music charts around the globe. The single 'Hello, love!' alone had sold more than 1 million copies in a day! Their first album had gone triple platinum within a week. That was really saying something. Shuichi sighed contentedly. Today, the world was going to know who Sage and Rage of the group 'One' were. Shuichi was Sage and Ryuichi was Rage. Despite his illness, Shuichi insisted singing. The two of them formed One just after Shuichi was diagnosed with Acute Bronchitis. The once pink-haired star hid the fact well from the world. Only his Ryuichi, their producer and their manager knew of it. Speaking of which…

"C'mon, Sage! Lighten up! You look too sad for your own sake," said a blond American with a frown. Shuichi rolled his eyes and chuckled at the expression on the man's face. This was Locke Myriad, One's manager. He was a very nice guy who was easy to get along with. The one thing he hated about himself was his name, especially his family name. He thought the name Myriad was lame and too common. Ryuichi joked that he should consider taking his wife's last name if he ever got married. Locke being Locke, he seemed to like the idea very much.

"Relax. I can always lock you out of this waiting room if you keep talking a mile a minute like that, Locke."

"Tough luck, baby. You just said that because you loved to put my name and the word 'lock' in the same sentence."

"Too true that is. And don't you dare call me 'baby'. It's an insult to have someone like you call me that."

Locke just laughed and winked at Shuichi. "I love you too, Sage."

Ryuichi laughed at their antics. "Stop flirting, you idiots! Shuichi, Locke, c'mon. They're calling us."

"Right away, sir," Locke and Shuichi mock-saluted Ryuichi and followed the older man onto the stage. They were in a live programme broadcasted throughout the world. Shuichi and Ryuichi waited behind the curtains for their cue.

"And now, we will finally reveal the people who made One possible. Ladies and Gentlemen, don't be too shocked at this. Let us all welcome… Sage and Rage of One!"

The velvet curtain was immediately drawn to both sides of the stage. For a moment, the audience stopped breathing. Then, a collective gasp of disbelief cut through the silence and the hall roared with excited shrieks and utter joy. "Good evening, world!" Shuichi and Ryuichi shouted in unison. The screams turned louder.

But hundreds of miles away, two mugs fell to the floor and shattered.

- To be Continued -

Oh God… This chapter was so lame. Don't kill me for this, I know it isn't good. More will be explained in the next chapter. Anyways, I don't think this story will be as long as AitSWS is. I'm trying to finish both fics ASAP before going off to Matriculation.

Look… OMG! 20 reviews! (dies). Ehem… Sorry about that.

**_GETTING UP CLOSE AND PERSONAL_**  
**Akuma:** Heheheh… You do? Let's see, shall we? Okay, my poem was published in local newpaper once. I also published it in PoetryDotCom, PoetsDotCom, PostpoemsDotCom and other sites. Check out my LJ for the links: **http colon slash slash siriusangel dot livejournal dot com**.  
**YukiShufan:** Actually, Ryuichi didn't leave just because of that. Let's just say, more secrets will be revealed later. No, they won't hate their ex-lovers. They love them too much for that. About the exam… **_YES, I WAS TALKING ABOUT SPM_**! Do you live in this country too? Wow, tell me if you do! Pls! Pls! Pls!  
**Kimika:** OMG, really? Thank you for your support! I don't know if it could be as good as AitSWS but I promise to try.  
**ichigo-chan:** I READ ESPY! But I got 404 when I commented (damn ffNet) My fics rock? Do they? Waiii! Arigatou, ichigo-chan! I love you! Please keep supporting me, AitSWS and SC.  
**Eudoxus:** Yep, damn Tatsuha… Wait, no! I love Tatsuha! And I'm glad you like my prologues. I admit, it's a surprise since I suck at them, LOL.  
**Shirubaa Kitsune:** Didn't I mentioned how much of a sadist I am? Hahahahah! Anyways, Track 11 of AitSWS will come out, say, tomorrow night (GMT +8), maybe. I'll try!  
**Moonfairyhime:** Updated!  
**septemberfaerie:** You really think so? Thank you so much! I really appreciate that you would want to check out my AitSWS. Hope you enjoy it.  
**DeMoN4EvA:** Oooh! Simple Plan's Shut Up? I'm writing a one-shot Gravi fic based on it. Love the band to death!  
**zafiro carillo:** I hope you love this chapter too. Yep, I know Zafiro means sapphire. Zafiro is one of the character in my novel project.  
**Little Fox Kit:** Believe me, I would too. I feel bad for Tatsuha too, though.  
**Shuichi's Lover:** Yeeeessss, Tatsuha is such a goddamn flirt in prologue 02, isn't he? And he wondered why Ryuichi left… Hmm…  
**Ryuko-chan:** Ryu-chan? Insecure idiot? That's… RIGHT. Haha! Nice to see you here too.  
**AllAlone:** Yay, you like it! Please keep reading.  
**Kimbra-fire:** You do? I'm flattered, LOL. Don't cry. I'll try to continue until it ends.  
**Xx Sakura xX:** And you will… Thanks for reading.  
**PSYM:** I'm going to torture Shu and Ryu. Mwahaha!  
**Joeys-Babygirl:** I will. Thank you!  
**Shuuichi:** I added it. FFNet takes longer to display the changes.  
**Anon:** Thank you! About the grammar thing, I'll try. I hardly speak English at home, anyways. And I don't have enough time for proof-reading. Sorry... T..T


	4. Chapitre 2: Saying Hello

I'm terribly sorry for the delay. I couldn't get online for a week already (Damn my ISP!) and it's starting to affect me really bad. I thought I went through some kind of _withdrawal_ (Hah! Yes, I am an internet junkie!) and so here I am, in a cyber café posting this fic for my readers to enjoy. Again, sorry for the delay!

"_I'm here without you, baby  
but you're still on my lonely mind.  
I think about you, baby  
and I dream about you all the time.  
I'm here without you, baby  
but you're still with me in my dreams  
and tonight, it's only you and me…_"  
**- 'Here Without You' by 3 Doors Down –**

**CHAPITRE 2: SAYING HELLO**

Members of Fiery Star gaped at the TV box. Their manager even dropped his precious gun to the floor. Their producer fainted. Hiro, Suguru, Noriko and K stared unblinking at the screen where 'Sage' and 'Rage' were being introduced to the crowd by the host. "This is ridiculous. That's Sakuma-san and Shuichi!" Hiro yelled, full of rage. K was still speechless, much like the fainted Sakano. Noriko's eyes started to water at the sight of Ryuichi waving his hands around. "And to think I've come to love One's album so much… It's Ryu-chan and Shuichi!" she sobbed and ran out of the room. No one stopped her. Suguru, for once, looked utterly surprised and confused. "How did this happen without us knowing?"

"Who the hell would know they'd change their names to 'Sage' and 'Rage'? I can't believe this. We've been worried like hell here and they look so bloody happy there. Damn it!" Hiro resisted the urge to break the TV and stormed out to nowhere in particular. The redhead almost knocked everyone in his way. The rest of NG Records employees never saw this version of Nakano Hiroshi. The guitarist looked ready to kill someone. '_How could you, Shuichi? How could you!_' His mind wandered back to the last day he saw Shuichi…

…………………..

…………………..

…………………..

_As soon as Hiro opened the door to the studio, he was rendered speechless. He looked at his wristwatch and studied the time repeatedly. Work did not start until 9 and it was only 8.30 in the morning. Usually, he was the earliest to arrive and the pink-haired young man inside the studio always arrived late – sometimes he was more than an hour late to work! "Shuichi? Is it really you there?" The addressee turned around with a smile. "Who else do you think it is? Of course I'm Shuichi. Why are you so surprised, Hiro?"_

"_Um… It's just that… You never come to work this early."_

_Shuichi chuckled. "I just felt like it."_

_In Shuichi's hand was a notepad. A few pieces of crumpled paper rested at the young man's feet. "You writing a song, Shu?" Shuichi nodded at the question. "But I can't get anything done, though. I just can't find the words." Hiro rolled his eyes playfully. "Yeah, yeah, I get it. Tell that to K-san and see what proceeds, shall we?"_

"_A bullet through the head, perhaps?"_

_The two friends laughed. Shuichi suddenly stopped laughing and coughed, clutching his chest. "Shuichi, you okay?" asked Hiro worriedly. Shuichi looked a bit pale. The vocalist shook his head twice and beamed, a hand still pressed to his own chest. "It's alright. I laughed too much, I guess."_

"_Aren't you always?"_

_Shuichi giggled as Hiro ruffled his pink hair affectionately. "Ne, Hiro? You'll always be my best friend, would you?" The words were followed by a light cough. Hiro frowned at the ridiculous question. Of course, he would always be Shuichi's best friend! What kind of demented question was that? "Of course I would! That's a stupid question, Shuichi."_

"_Thanks, Hiro… I'm glad."_

"_Think nothing of it. And you, Shuichi? Will you be my best friend for always too?"_

_Hiro failed to see the wince on Shuichi's face, or the hesitation in his reply. "… Aa, I will."_

_The next day, Shuichi disappeared._

…………………..

…………………..

…………………..

Hiro suspected Shuichi's disappearance had something to do with one Yuki Eiri but now he wasn't so sure anymore. Shuichi looked more than happy on TV just now. Shindou Shuichi – now Sage of One. Hiro had somehow brought his feet to the rooftop. He gripped the railing tight in his hands and howled to the clear sky. "DAMN YOU, SHUICHI!"

A few blocks away, Yuki and Tatsuha sat gaping at the TV. There was no mistaking it. The two singers on TV were their Shuichi and Ryuichi! The shattered glasses on the floor were completely ignored. Their eyes were glued to the screen. "Aniki… They… How… Why…" Tatsuha stammered, pointing a shaky finger at the screen where Shuichi and Ryuichi were being introduced. The raven haired young man spotted tears falling down his pale cheeks. Yuki shook his head both in answer to Tatsuha's questions and to his disbelief. If Shuichi was Sage of One… then he had been listening to his beloved's voice all along! Sage sounded like Shuichi because he _was_ Shuichi. "I don't believe this…" said Yuki softly, still shaking his head.

On TV, the two singers laughed to something the host said. The crowd did too. "So, Mr. Sakuma and Mr. Shindou," the host, Arielle, started. "Why did you change your names to Rage and Sage?" Shuichi and Ryuichi grinned at each other. "Because we don't want to be recognised," they answered simultaneously. Arielle nodded. "Well, the world, especially Japan, was shaken when the two of you suddenly disappeared a little over a year ago. The fans all around the world mourned the lost of two extremely talented diva. Why did you leave Japan all of a sudden, sirs?"

The hall fell silent.

Ryuichi and Shuichi's eyes darkened. At the look on Shuichi's face, Ryuichi quickly provided a simple answer – an excuse. "We're sorry. That's strictly personal. Please, we beg you to _please_ don't pry into it. Or else, we'll be forced to carry out some drastic actions."

Arielle blanched. "O Okay. I'm sorry for offending you, sirs (Ryuichi and Shuichi shook their heads and smiled). Then… Is there any plan for a new album? Or a tour, maybe?"

Shuichi brightened and clapped his hands once. "Ah, yes… Plans. Before we say anything, let us introduce you to our loyal manager and tireless producer. Please welcome our manager, Locke Myriad and our producer, Carlain Winchester to the stage." The hall erupted into a big applause as two blond joined One on the stage. "Hello, Mr. Winshester and Mr. Myriad (Locke coughed. "Please, it's Locke) Oh, my apologies, sir. So, Mr. Locke, as One's manager, what do you think of Mr. Sakuma and Mr. Shindou?" Locke cleared his throat before he spoke with a voice that made fangirls swooned. "These two are fun to work with. They're very dedicated and punctual. When I first found out that the ones I was going to manage were the great Sakuma Ryuichi and Shindou Shuichi, I thought I had a heart attack then and there. (The crowd laughed at this) I kept asking myself 'Am I going to make a good manager?' Well, you can't blame me for having doubts. They're already superstars to begin with! I'd be damned if I bring them down. After the release of the album and the single, though, the doubts completely disappeared. I absolutely adore these two." Locke patted Ryuichi on his back and squeezed Shuichi's shoulder.

The audiences went 'Aww'. Arielle was almost drooling but sobered at the thought that the show was being broadcasted live throughout the globe. "What about you, Mr. Winchester?" The other blond looked thoughtful for a moment. Carlain, or Carl as he preferred, was different from Locke. He was not as easy-going as the manager was but he was still fun to work with. His green eyes would shine with mirth when Locke or any of the One cracked up jokes. "Sage and Rage make a terrific team. The combination of their efforts and the power of their vocals are so powerful that I find myself rendered speechless at times. (At this, Shuichi and Ryuichi both raised an eyebrow) They've got extraordinary talents when it comes to music. You can't deny the pull in their songs. (The crowd of fangirls shouted their agreement) As their producer, I simply respect and adore them." Again, the crowd went 'Aww'.

Arielle looked at her watch. The show was going to be over soon. "Back to the previous question, is there any plan for One? A new album or a tour? Anything at all?"

Shuichi and Ryuichi motioned for Locke to speak. "We think it's too early for a new album but there's a possibility for new singles. However, that's not important now. We would like to take this opportunity to announce that in a week, One will start touring! (The crowd, both at home and in the studio, went crazy) However, the tour will begin in Sage and Rage's homeland, Japan. (Most Japanese fans watching the show fainted) The detail of our tour will be released later but for now, let's just say that it will start with Japan and ends here. So, fans in Japan, stay alert. These two amazing guys will once again grace your presences with brand new flavours."

Miles away, Tatsuha ran out of the apartment he shared with Yuki. Yuki was still staring wide eyed at the screen. The show had reached its end and One was going to perform. The novelist watched as the camera focused to Shuichi and Ryuichi singing "Hello, love!" Shuichi sang the first and second verses. He knew that Shuichi was really singing the song for him. And Ryuichi sang it for Tatsuha.

_Hello, love!  
I have to go.  
I'll miss you  
but I know you won't.  
I'll always love you  
but I know you'll move on._

Yuki shook his head and he watched Shuichi sang. '_No, you're mistaken! I miss you. I miss you so much, Shuichi! I can never move on. You're wrong. Why did you have to go?_'

_Hello, love!  
I'm sorry for being a bother.  
I'll leave to save you the pain  
that I know I inflicted.  
I'll let you live your life.  
I won't clip your wings anymore._

'_Oh, God! That's not true, Shuichi! You're never a bother. It was just me being a bastard. It wasn't your fault. You never inflicted any pain in me. It was always me hurting you, never the other way around. You never clipped my wings either. When I'm with you, I'm free. Why, why did you leave?_'

_Spread your wings and fly  
High above the sky  
I won't pull you back  
I'll set you free, my dear  
I'll walk away  
but forget you I won't  
My heart stays with you  
as will my love and soul  
I will always miss those days  
When I could still call you and say  
"Hello, love!"_

Yuki broke down and sobbed. He was glad that no one was around so he could cry his heart out, as he wanted. He didn't listen to Ryuichi singing the next verse and the bridge. The sight of Shuichi singing the first two verses and the chorus was too much for him. He missed those days too. Although he never said 'Hello, love!' to Shuichi, his heart always did. Back then, when his lover was still around, the younger man would always call during his lunch breaks at work.

"_Yuuuuukiiiii! Hello, love! How's your story going?_"

"_Yuuuukiiii! Hello, love! Have you had your lunch yet? Beer and cigarette aren't food, you know?_"

"_Hello, love! I'm going to be home early today. Nee, nee… What do you want for dinner, Yuki?_"

Yuki wiped his tears with the sleeve of his shirt. Shuichi was coming home. Yuki knew the young man wouldn't be there to stay but he would still be back nonetheless. Switching off the TV, Yuki stood up and straightened.

A talk with Seguchi Tohma was in order.

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o- 

Tatsuha didn't know how he ended at the park. He just did. All this time, he searched all around for Ryuichi but found nothing whatsoever. Now, he had to endure the pain of seeing Ryuichi being happy hundreds of miles away.

Away from him.

To these days, Tatsuha still could not comprehend why Ryuichi left him. The older man left Kumagorou and a small note that only said '_I love you. Goodbye'_. The BA student kicked the nearest trashcan in exasperation. If Ryuichi loved him, then why did he say goodbye? Why did he leave? It made no sense at all. And now, Ryuichi was coming back to Japan for a tour. For a tour, not for Tatsuha.

How did this happen?

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o- 

Tohma did not dare meet Yuki's eyes. The guilt in his eyes was so apparent that you can almost spell it out. "Wait, let me get this straight… You knew who the members of One are and you still told me nothing when I asked. You knew that Sage is my Shuichi and you still told me you couldn't find him and Sakuma. How could you, Seguchi!" Tohma winced at Yuki's accusations. He just made his brother-in-law hate him more. "Calm down, Eiri-san. I managed to track them down just before their first album was released. But believe me, I wanted to tell you and Tatsuha-san but Ryuichi got hold of me and made me promise to tell no one. I don't break promises, Eiri-san." '_And I thought you would give up trying to find Shindou-san and move on_', he continued in his heart.

Yuki's eyes narrowed dangerously. "So you'd rather see us suffer, huh? What is it with you and making me suffer, Seguchi? Don't tell me that 'it's for your own good' bullshit. I've had enough of those."

"I'm sorry."

"If you're really sorry, then do me and Tatsuha a favour."

Tohma sighed. He should have seen this coming. "Anything, Eiri-san."

"Get us the tickets to every of One's concert in Japan. And I want a number to call Shuichi."

"To call Shindou-san? But Eiri-san…"

"Don't 'Eiri' me, Tohma. If you're really sorry, you'll do it."

"… Very well."

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o- 

Shuichi jumped onto his bed. Having to stand throughout the show was tiring. He wondered how he survived standing for hours during practice and concerts before. Speaking of the TV programme… He couldn't help but wonder if Yuki saw him and Ryuichi. If he did, how did he react? Or did he just shrug it off like it was nothing?

'_Silly Shuichi_,' he thought. '_Of course Yuki has moved on. I'm just his passing nightmare – a nuisance._'

Just when he was starting to doze off, his cell phone rang. Thinking it was his manager, Shuichi answered the call without looking at the number on the LCD. "Hello, Sage's speaking."

"Shu… Shuichi? Hello, love."

Shuichi froze.

- To be Continued -

I SO LOVE YOU GUYS! MY READERS AND REVIEWERS ROCK! Anyways, general comment… Erm… _Why does everyone seem to be surprised that English **isn't** my first language_? My English teacher would be so proud but there's no bloody way I'm telling her I write shounen-ai/ yaoi fics. Hahaha!

**_GETTING UP CLOSE AND PERSONAL  
_Aku-chan:** Na no da! I won't forget AitSWS ever! Don't worry. If I do, my loyal reviewers will chop my head off (glance at ichigo-chan).  
**evilqueen:** And you shall XD  
**Shuuichi:** I updated. Yay! You'll love me forever now.  
**Honoo:** I don't think Yuki and Shu are going to get together anytime soon. I've got something big planned for them. Look out for angst overdose.  
**Naria:** Yep! Those brothers are going to have a very, very, very hard time. Man orgies? O.o  
**Eve:** I don't really know too. Me suck.  
**mee:** _tres-goodliness!_What does it mean?  
**teqnicolor:** I'm… flattered XD. I'm glad the clifie works.**  
animegirl12182:** Acute Bronchitis is the _inflammation_ of air passages (bronchi) usually caused by viral or bacterial infection, aggravated by air pollution (cigarette smoke, chemical fumes, dust).  
**Eudoxus:** Surprised you? I love your "I miss my ex-lover... oh look! there he is on the tv!... :pass out:". That was so nice!  
**Kaede Yuki:** Grovelling Yuki and Tatsuha? Hmm… I don't know how to do that. Grovelling Yuki in a non-AU Gravi fic… (shudders) But I like the picture. XD And yes, I just got my SPM result. Check out my LJ if you'd like to view how I did.  
**Kimika:** Really? Phew, that's nice to know.  
**Asato-chan:** I'm debating as to whether or not I want to kill Shuichi. In my last completed fic, Yuki dies. It's kinda unfair, don't you think? Teeheehee…   
**ichigo-chan:** Yesssss, I love torturing them. I think it's not fair that most writers write about Shuichi being suicidal. Let's get Ryuichi into the picture too. Here's another dose of angst for you!  
**s:** Really? I thought it should be rated R when it's graphic. Thank you for the suggestion. I'll ponder it.  
**rynn:** Here it is!  
**kriziamoon:** Hi! I'm glad that you do!  
**lilith:** Thank you!  
**Shirubaa Kitsune:** XD I didn't even realise I did a cliffie. It's just that… I love cliffies (refer to AitSWS). Ha! And yes, I'm cruel! Sadistic!Angel. Hahaha!  
**DeMoN4EvA:** Green Day? I do! I do! I do!  
**sailorsaturncosmo:** Ooh, thank you! I really, really appreciate that. I'll try to keep it that way.  
**Ryuko-chan:** At least it's not Chronic Bronchitis, huh? Let's SEE… Did you read my mind or something? Anyways, Locke is cool? That's nice to know!  
**Tsugath:** Sadly, this isn't ShuichixRyuichi. I love that pairing too, btw. No, Yuki and Tatsuha aren't going to LA.  
**zafiro carillo:** I intend to finish this fic, no matter how short it would be. Thanks for still following SC.  
**tsu:** Gravi DVDs in our country? You kidding me? I ordered all of my Gravi stuff overseas! Nyooooooo! My money… (sobs sadly)  
**Shuichi's Lover:** I'm cruel, cruel and SO VERY cruel. Ahem! Just wait and see.  
**Jaina:** Thank you. I hope so too but I don't know where will my twisted mind leads me to.  
**Annabel:** Enjoy this chapter and thank you!  
**Moonfairyhime:** Cancer is too harsh. I don't want Shu-chan to go into chemo and lose his hair in the process. Then I couldn't make him perform on stage normally. I'm glad you liked the first chapter.  
**Chibi-Midnight Sakai:** I'll try to. Thank you!  
**arimi-yume:** Yes, 'Hello, love!' was written by me and I'm that you like it!  
**LilBlue-Hedgie:** Yay, it's so nice to see you here too! I hope you like this chapter although it's quite short.  
**HD:** And so you will.  
**Hyper Chef:** What if I DO plan an unhappy ending for all of them? (wink!)  
**minobaka:** Sorry for the delay. It's here!


	5. Chapitre 3: Coming Home

"_Everytime I kiss, I feel your lips  
and everytime I cry, I see you smile  
and everytime I close my eyes, I realise that  
everytime I hold your hand in mine  
the sweetest thing my heart could ever find.  
And I have never felt this way  
since the day I gave your love away."  
_**- 'Everytime' by A1 –**

**CHAPITRE 3: COMING HOME**

"I'm going to _fucking_ kill Carlain Winchester," K growled furiously as he made his way to the cafeteria with Sakano following him. Suguru had run off to find Hiro, wherever that redhead was. For he first time in his life, K desperately wished he could either fly or teleport himself to another place in a blink. That way, he could shoot One's producer to death. "Um… Excuse me, K-san. Why are you angry with their producer?" asked Sakano timidly. He was still trying to digest the fact that Shuichi and Ryuichi were members of One. K spun on his heels and pressed his automatics against Sakano's temple. The bespectacled man froze on the spot. He had never seen K so angry. "Why am I angry with their producer, huh? Why? Because the _fucking_ guy is my _fucking _brother, that's why! I can't believe that moron stole my vocalist!" Sakano winced as K shot the nearest wall a couple of times and stomped off. Tohma surely was not going to like it in the slightest. He decided that following a fuming K was bad for his health and went away.

For once, the steaming cup of coffee did nothing to calm K's nerves. Yes, Carlain Winchester was Claude Winchester's younger brother. This tiny fact pissed K off more than the surprise he got when Sage and Rage's identities were revealed to the world. He felt like Shuichi, Ryuichi and worse - his own brother, betrayed him. Whatever reasons or secrets that might be in store could never heal any of them now. Shindou Shuichi and Sakuma Ryuichi had betrayed NG Records.

'_You're so going to get it when I see you again, Carl!_'

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o- 

Ryuichi stared at the ceiling silently. The room was dark and void of any sound produced by nature. The only sound at all was the ticking of the clock on the wall. Silence – how he used to despise it. One year could really change a lot of things. Ryuichi was not sure if he was truly happy with the changes he had gone through. Not only him, but Shuichi too. Ryuichi was more than a little worried about the younger songster. Without make-up, Shuichi was rather pale and frail looking. Sometimes, he would wake up in the middle of the night to the sound of Shuichi coughing. Bronchitis was not something that could go away in a few days, weeks or months. It could go on for years and even cause premature death. When asked to quit singing, Shuichi stubbornly refused.

"_If there's one thing that makes me feel alive, it's being able to sing and pretend everything's alright. So please, don't tell me to quit."_

That was what Shuichi told Ryuichi before they formed One. Ryuichi was worried about their tour. Would Shuichi survive the physical exhaustion? Now that they knew who they were, the media was never going to stop prying into their personal matters unless serious threats were delivered. The second thing that nagged at Ryuichi was their going back to Japan. For some reasons, Ryuichi found himself dreading the day they would board the plane. He was not scared. He was just anxious. The main reason was his ex-lover, Uesugi Tatsuha.

Of course.

Thinking about Tatsuha, he wondered if the man saw him on TV. He wondered how Tatsuha reacted. Maybe there was a pretty girl beside him at that time and he couldn't care less. Maybe he forgot about Ryuichi already. Maybe… A choked sob escaped Ryuichi. He rolled onto his stomach and buried his head in his oversized pillow. All these thoughts made him feel like…

'_NO! I can't! I promised Shuichi I wouldn't!'_

The temptation to run a piece of razor across his skin was overwhelming. Ryuichi shook his head violently, trying to think of happy thoughts. Still, his body felt like it was being possessed. '_I can't… I'm so sorry, Shu-chan_.' He reached for his nightstand and took a penknife out of the drawer. Slowly, the knife descended.

Just another inch and…

"AAAAAAAAAAARGH!"

The knife was sent flying across the room at the shrill cry coming from the next room. Ryuichi recovered from his stupor and scrambled to his feet. He burst into Shuichi's room to find the singer clutching his head with both hands and screamed at the top of his lung. Tiny parts of a broken cell phone scattered on the floor. Without thinking, Ryuichi pulled Shuichi into his arms and hugged him tight. Shuichi continued screaming hysterically. Tears were freely falling down his pale cheeks. "Shuichi! Shh, calm down, little brother. You're safe here. Hush now."

But Shuichi did not stop screaming until he fainted. By the time the younger member of One went limp in the older one's embrace, Ryuichi was almost sobbing. '_What's happened this time, Shu-chan? Why are you like this?_' The unconscious Shuichi did not answer. Ryuichi rocked him back and forth, as he cried silently. The last time Shuichi went hysteric like this was a month ago. It was after a terrible nightmare, according to Shuichi. This time, Ryuichi knew it was not the same. Shuichi could not have fallen asleep yet. They just got back for less than an hour. He looked at the broken cell phone.

Why was it broken in the first place, anyway?

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o- 

Yuki Eiri was still staring at his phone long after the long-distance call ended. He appeared frozen where he was standing. The telephone conversation was still clear in his head:

"_Hello, Sage's speaking." It was said in clear, perfect English._

"_Shu… Shuichi? Hello, love," Eiri stammered. He couldn't believe that he, Yuki Eiri, had just stammered!_

_There was a long pause before the man on the other line spoke again._

"_Who are you and why are you calling me 'love'?"_

_Yuki could almost hear his heart breaking. Couldn't Shuichi recognise him? "Shuichi… It's me, Yuki."_

"_Yuki who? I think I only know one Yuki but that Yuki would never call me even if my life depended on it."_

"_Shuichi, please… Don't be like this. I'm Yuki Eiri!"_

"… _So I see… In that case, I won't ask where you got my phone number because I think I have an idea as to who obtained it for you. So, what do you want?"_

_Yuki didn't answer. This man couldn't be Shuichi. True, he sounded like Shuichi but the way he talked… It was so cold, icy cold. Even the Shuichi that was on TV a few hours prior was not this cold. It almost felt like talking to himself. A light cough escaped Shuichi and Yuki returned to reality._

"_Look, if you don't have anything good to say, don't call. It's NIGHT here, you know? I've got better things to do than talking to someone who doesn't talk."_

"_Shuichi! Wait!"_

"_Goodbye."_

"_Wait, Shuichi! Shuichi!"_

_Too late. The line was already dead. _

The short conversation brought pain to Yuki's heart. He tried calling but couldn't reach his love. The operator kept answering the call. Each time the monotonous 'We're sorry. The number you have dialled is not reachable' answered his call, Yuki wanted to scream. The whole apartment was in silence, and that annoyed Yuki greatly. Once, Yuki wished for silence. He wished for time alone to finish his novel but now, he would give anything at all to end the once much-appreciated loneliness. He was alone and lonely. After Shuichi disappeared, not once did Yuki tried to find someone else. He'd practically begged on the phone. Why did Shuichi do this to him?

Then it dawned upon him.

This must be how Shuichi felt all those times when Yuki ignored the boy's pleading cries.

This must be how Shuichi felt whenever Yuki shut him out.

This must be how Shuichi felt whenever Yuki walked away.

When Tatsuha returned, Yuki was still staring blankly at the phone. The raven haired young man locked himself in his room and grabbed a book. He might as well try to study as a way to block the thoughts of Ryuichi from his mind. Tatsuha knew the effort was hopeless but at least he was not neglecting his studies just because his heart was broken. On one side of the bed was Kumagorou. The pink stuff bunny looked dull without its owner. If it could only talk, Tatsuha was sure Kumagorou would weep and cry for Ryuichi to come back. On the way back, Tatsuha listened to excited squeals of fangirls, hushed whispers, so-called rumours and discussions about One. The group had become a phenomenon all in half a year. The fire burned stronger with the latest revelation. Tatsuha stopped reading and stared at Kumagorou with unreadable eyes. The bunny stared right back at him. Throwing his books aside, Tatsuha reached for Kumagorou just to crush it in his embrace desperately. Voices from so long ago bounced against the four walls of the locked room.

"_Ne, Tatsuha. What do you dislike the most?"_

"_Hmm… I don't know. Having to do the housework, maybe. What about you, Ryu-chan?"_

"_Ryuichi hates silence the most, na no da!"_

"_Silence?"_

"_Yup, I hate silence with passion. I never liked living in silence and I certainly would never wish it upon others too, na no da!"_

For the millionth time that day, they young man sighed. Hugging Kumagorou tightly to his chest, Tatsuha brought his gaze to the picture of him and Ryuichi on the nightstand. '_If you don't ever want to wish it upon others, then why did you leave me?_' Another heavy sigh followed the unasked question.

Living in solitude was such a bitch.

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o- 

Seguchi Tohma was tired.

He was so tired of being the bad guy in his brother-in-laws' eyes. It was time to surrender to reality. All these times, Tohma thought he did everything for his family's sake. God knows how hard he tried to pull Yuki back from the hell the novelist created. His efforts were all in vain. Maybe, that was the reason Tohma blinded himself from seeing the positive changes in Yuki's personality in the presence of the former Bad Luck vocalist. It was because Shuichi succeeded where Tohma failed. Too accustomed to coming on top, Tohma refused to admit defeat. All the good qualities that were coming back to Yuki were now nowhere to be found. He, Seguchi Tohma, President of Nittle Grasper Records, regretted the times he did not spend supporting Yuki and Shuichi's relationship.

Tohma felt the guilt of hiding things from his younger brother-in-law as well. At first, he thought Tatsuha would recover within a few weeks. He was young, after all. Now he knew his previous thoughts were terribly wrong. And so he was determined to help Yuki and Tatsuha. Shaking all negative thoughts out of his head, Tohma switched his lap top on and logged on to the internet. He had some VIP ticket reservations to make. No sooner than he was done sending the reservation request, his cell phone rang. His wife's name was clearly flashing on the exterior LCD of his clamshell cell phone. "Hello, Mika-san."

"Tohma, did you see what was on TV this morning?"

"You mean, about Shindou-san and Ryuichi-san? Yes, I did." He wasn't going to tell Mika about the truth he'd kept hidden from all of them just yet. He'd rather tell it to her when he could look into her eyes with his own eyes begging for forgiveness.

"Tohma? Are you still there, anata?"

"Yes, I'm still here. Sorry… What were you saying?"

"Did you hear from Eiri and Tatsuha? I figured they'd contact you if they saw the show."

"Actually, Eiri-san asked me to reserve the tickets to One's concerts for him and Tatsuha-san."

"Will you do it, then? I know you never really approved of their relationships but it's for their sakes. Eiri really loves Shuichi. Tatsuha loves Ryuichi that much too."

"I've realised that too. And about the reservations, I already did so. For all of us."

"All of us?"

"For Eiri-san and Tatsuha-san, and also for me, you and Fiery Star."

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o- 

_Shuichi ran as fast as he could towards a tall blond standing a few metres away. "Yuuuuukiii! You called me! You called me love! Oh, Yuki! I'm so happy!" he squealed with joy. When Yuki turned around, Shuichi stopped running. Yuki was looking at him with evil smirk painted on his face._

"_You've got problems with your ear, gaki? I thought I clearly said 'loathe', not 'love'."_

"_But… But…"_

"_Grow up, kuso-gaki. I'm tired of listening to you."_

"_Yuki! You can't mean that!"_

"_Hnn. Drop dead." _

"_No, no, no. Don't leave me here. Yuki, come back! Yuki! Yuki!"_

Ryuichi ran back to Shuichi's room as another piercing shriek resounded throughout the mansion. The older man took Shuichi into his arms. Shuichi stopped screaming and started coughing. "Shuichi? Shuichi are you okay? I'll just go get your medicine, okay?" Earning a nod from the coughing boy, Ryuichi stormed into the bathroom and returned with a glass of water and a dark bottle. The cough stopped about ten minutes later, much to Ryuichi's relieve. Shuichi was still breathing heavily on the bed, tear tracks stained his face. "I feel like shit," he said, rubbing his chest softly. The pain was slowly fading away, and Shuichi rejoiced. "What really happened, Ryu-chan?"

"You had a bout of hysteria last night. You just wouldn't stop screaming until you fell unconscious. God, Shuichi… I was so scared. What's happened?"

"… He called."

"Who?"

"Yuki (Ryuichi gasped). Yuki called me. I don't remember what we talked about but I think I was so cold to him. Oh, Ryu-chan! He called me 'love'! Why did he say that? He never loved me, didn't he? I don't know! I'm so confused!"

Ryuichi held the confused brown head close to him before another bout of painful screaming could start. "Yuki-san called you?" Shuichi nodded weakly. Well, that explained the broken cell phone. They spent the morning basking in comfortable yet poignant silence. Six days more until they start their tour in Japan and they were so mentally exhausted already. As days rolled by, preparations were made and practices went on. In no time, they were already boarding the plane.

Carlain Winchester earned three odd looks from Locke, Shuichi and Ryuichi as he carried his laptop onto the private jet. "New laptop, Carl? Whatever happened to your old one?" asked a curious Locke. Carl shrugged. "My oh-so-loving elder brother sent me an e-mail with the subject 'You Must Read This'. As soon as I opened it, the screen went black. Gunshots sound effect blared and the next second, the word 'You Are Dead' materialised and the computer died. Getting it repaired was hopeless so I bought a new one. Where he got the virus, I don't know."

Shuichi and Ryuichi visibly blanched. It sounded like K was utterly pissed off. They just hoped they would not run into the gun-totting manager without the others around. It was proven unhealthy judging from their personal experiences. Good thing Carl was not as crazed as K was. As the plane boarded, Shuichi and Ryuichi stared out of the window, looking at the moving clouds clashing with the plane. On their minds were thoughts of the life they once head – those they left behind. Shuichi doubted he could face Hiro ever again, just as Ryuichi doubted he could face Tohma and Noriko again. Somehow, the ultimate worry and fear revolved around the keepers of the keys to their hearts: Uesugi Eiri and Uesugi Tatsuha. A single tear rolled down their faces as they remembered the time spent with their ex-lovers…

'_Yuki…_'

'_Tatsuha…_'

And miles away, Yuki and Tatsuha woke up in the middle of the night with tears in their eyes too. A look at the calendar sent a clear message into their heads.

Shindou Shuichi and Sakuma Ryuichi were coming home…

- To be Continued -

What is it with me and lame chapters, I wonder? … I hope you like this chapter and the pinch of angst that comes with it. Until chapter 4, please be kind and review!

**_GETTING UP CLOSE AND PERSONAL  
_NeckoFury:** And I'll keep writing. Don't worry about your spelling. Nothing's wrong with it, honest!**_  
_chibi:**Weee! You read it at two different sites? I lurve you!**_  
_Random Person:** Hi! I know cliffies are evil because I AM evil. Haha!  
**Shuichi's Lover:** No, that's Tru calling. Mwahaha! Sorry, of course that's Yuki!  
**Boo Boo:** If you die, then you can't read this anymore so don't! Glad that you love this story!**_  
_Bram:** Thank you for reading this fic as well. I hope I'll manage to end AitSWS and SC too!  
**LilBlue-Hedggie:** When you draw one, don't forget to tell me! I'm glad that you're reading SC too.  
**Christy:** Yay, you think the plot is well thought out! Thank you!  
**MonkeyGurL:** Woot! It's YOU! Erm… Ahem! Yeah, about Yuki saying 'Hello, love'... He sounded very much OOC, no?  
**artemis347:** I sure hope they get back together but that depends on how twisted and cruel my mind is. (wink!)  
**DarkMetalAngel of Destruction:** I don't know how much angsty it would get. Let's just say… I LOVE ANGST!**_  
_Hyper Chef:** Hehe… Sometimes, my capacity of cruelty surprises even me. Maybe I'll make both happy and unhappy endings. How's that? And about my songs… You really think so? THANK YOU!  
**NGTohmaSeguchi:** (Gasp) OMG, Seguchi-sama is reviewing my work! Well, ahem… Um, Sorry about Tohma being out of character in the previous chapter. I hope this chapter explain why he was being OOC. And yes, I do have other Gravi fics: '_And If The Sun Won't Shine…_', '_Please Keep My Heart_', '_Snow in July_' and '_Two Ryuichi and A Kumagorou_'.**  
B Wanted:** Because I could, mwahaha!   
**SailorChibi:** Yeah, tense and stuff… Hehe, glad that you like the 'shock' in this fic. I try!  
**Moonfairyhime:** And it's here!  
**Shirubaa Kitsune:** oO… Why?  
**lilith:** Poor Hiro? Let's see how I torture him more. And my first language is Malay.  
**sailorsaturncosmo:** I'll dance with you too this time. Thank you and hope you enjoy this chapter!  
**zafiro a carillo:** Glad that you do. Hmm, did you change your name a bit?  
**Azure:** Believe me, comp withdrawal is bad but internet withdrawal is ten times worse!  
**cutelilpuppieyez:** You mean, 'Sage' and 'Rage'? Heh heh…  
**Fuyuko-chan:** Yes! Carlain Winchester is srelated to K! Aren't I nice?  
**Eudoxus:** They will, will they? Let's SEE. Updating at internet cafes is a bitch with those people around you. (sigh). I'll try.  
**DeMoN4EvA:** Actually, that's because I'm 'obsessed' with writing. My hands couldn't go without the keyboard or a pen for longer than five minutes unless I'm asleep. Being ambidextrous sucks sometimes, you know? Don't be sad. I updated!  
**SuzieQT:** I hope you like (or surprised) at how I made him react. Yess, I'm evil!  
**Languish-Dreams:** First on your fav list – OMG, I'm so proud and happy! Thank you!(x1000000) Here's super Ryuichi-Glomp for you! I'll try to finish this story so don't worry, 'k?  
**beyblade-athene:** I don't even realise it. Thanks for liking the lyrics!  
**animegirl12182:** I'll try!  
**Chibi-Midnight-Sakai:** Cute and sad… Wow, that's new! Thank you!  
**otherworld:** Finding out on TV is classic? Yep, that's right.  
**dita-chan:** Trust me, she won't. I show her my other pieces, though.  
**Akuma:** Scandalous, huh? Wee, I'm glad that you think my writing isn't crude! I was afraid it was such.  
**pink:** Yah, I hope it won't be tragic too. Woohoo, no.1 fan, isn't that great! Thank you! If you want to find my other works, just click my name up there. You'll see all of my other fics!  
**Honoo:** That's Yuki alright. Throwing me snails will keep me from the PC and there'll be no updates then. Hahaha! I continue, so you love me! Yay!  
**kenz:** Wee, that's nice! And it's here!  
**Annabel:** You didn't? That means I succeeded in suspense. Go me!  
**FOXLUVA:** What if I really make Yuki and Tatsuha screw things up? I'm evil, anyway. And as you love this fic, this fic loves you too!  
**Kristen Chan:** You words in caps make me WAFF inside. Thanks (wink).  
**minobaka:** I love happy endings that start with a whole lotta angst too. That makes all the pain and heartache worthwhile, right?  
**Steelsings:** Okay, the first time I saw your review I braced myself before reading it. My first thought was: 'Oh please don't let it be another flame!' Maybe it's just because I rarely get looong reviews. So, thanks a whole lot for your review! I absolutely love it. I'm sorry for _unintentionally_ getting you grounded, though. That touched me a lot, believe me. I'm happy that you find AitSWS interesting too. THANK YOU! THANK YOU!

Thanks for all the reviews. 41 reviews for one single chapter. I don't think I've ever gotten this much reviews in my life! You guys are my inspiration!


	6. Chapitre 4: Away From Home

Before you read on, I'd like to make one thing clear. NO CANON WILL END UP WITH OC! I repeat, no CanonxOC. There will only be one-sided OCxCanon. Okay? Okay. This chapter is a bit late because I had to double-check whole concert thing. And the crappy song '**Away From Home**' in this chapter is MINE. Also, forgive me for writing a short chapter!

"_And does it make you sad  
to find yourself alone?  
And does it make you mad  
to find that I've grown?  
I'll bet it hurts so bad  
to see the strength that I have shown._"  
**- 'Not Coming Home' by Maroon 5 -**

**CHAPITRE 4: AWAY FROM HOME**

Locke and Carl observed the crews setting the stage up for the opening of their tour. Carl was currently fiddling with his laptop keys while Locke chewed on a mint-flavoured chewing gum. The tour crews planned for One to rock Tokyo Dome. Their record company, Heavenly Talent Records (HT Records), had faith in them. The trust of everyone around them was reason enough for Ryuichi and Shuichi to make their first concert legendary. Their arrival at the airport the previous day was so grand and blinding. There were even enormous banners with the message 'WELCOME HOME!' hanging there. For a moment, the two singers forgot their emotional wounds. They waved, smiled and laughed. Their cheerful façade was perfect. Locke and Carl found themselves worrying about the mental state of the mega stars. Compared to masks of coldness and indifference, masks of a smile are the hardest to don. Shuichi and Ryuichi tested the microphone a few times and instructed the crews to arrange the device to their liking.

"How's the ticket selling?" asked Locke. His eyes did not stray from the two singers on stage though. Carl looked at the report on his laptop and smiled slightly. "Sold out. We expected that to happen, didn't we? The VIP and VVIP tickets and backstage passes sold out three hours after the ticket counters opened. Normal ones sold out in two hours. There are going to be over 55,000 audiences here tomorrow night. I have to say it's a good thing this dome is air-supported or we'll all suffocate before the concert even start." The look of satisfaction faded into a frown. "This concert had better be good or we're doomed."

Locke rolled his eyes. "You're making it sound like you don't know Sage and Rage. We're talking about two most prominent stars here. But I do worry about Sage, though. Do you think his condition allows him to perform live for four hours straight in a hall packed with people? The lighting could cause him pain," this was said with a deep frown. For a moment, Locke looked like he was forty years old instead of his actual age, which was 28. Carl said nothing. To be honest, he was not sure himself but he had faith in Shuichi. He brought his gaze back to Shuichi and Ryuichi again. He knew that they were putting their sanity at risk by wearing that mask of farce exuberance. '_What a pair of masochistic fools…_' Carl groaned inwardly. Just then, Shuichi shouted for Locke to join them on stage. The young manager put his best smile on his face before running over to the brown haired singers. From where he sat, Carl smiled too. '_That Locke guy can never resist Sage._' Yes, Carlain knew Locke's current top secret.

The manager was in love with the younger member of One…

… much like Carlain was with the older one.

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o- 

In the midst of the elegant Tokyo Dome City, a group of seven famous people made their way to the biggest concert hall in Japan. Sakano could not join them because he had unfortunately caught a fever. K could be heard loading his automatics. They all kept a good distance from the ponytailed blond for the sake of their lives. Yuki Eiri went through One concert schedule in his hand for the fourth time that day:

x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x  
**"One"  
The World Tour - Japan (February 20 April 20)  
_Events and Venues Guide_**

**  
1. Concerts**  
Tokyo Dome (February 20 and April 19)  
Nagoya Dome (March 3)  
Osaka Dome (March 13)  
Fukuoka Dome (March 26)  
Sapporo Dome (April 10)

**2. Mini Concerts  
**Yokohama Arena (February 28)  
Osaka Castle Hall (March 18)

**3. Official Media Conference**  
Tokyo International Forum (April 20)

**4. Autograph Sessions  
**HMV (February 25 – February 26)  
Central Park (March 5 – March 6)  
HEP Five (March 20 – March 21)  
Canal City Hakata (March 28 – March 29)  
Tanuki Koji Shopping Arcade (April 12 – April 13)  
x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x

Hiro snatched the schedule from Yuki, earning a patented glare from the novelist. Yuki said nothing, though. He knew Hiro was trying to mask the hurt he felt. The guitarist frowned at the paper in his hand. "So, they'll kick-off and conclude their concerts here before the official media conference. Gives me ample time to form strategies," Hiro said to himself but they all heard him. Suguru winced at the venom in Hiro's words. The Fiery Star vocalist was angry with Shuichi too. He wanted a good explanation as to why the latter left without a single reason. Still, he wondered what Hiro meant by 'strategies'.

Tohma sighed, drawing attention towards the blond. For once, the NG Records president did not wear his usual smile. He looked almost sad, and solemn. Noriko and Tatsuha wore the same expression too. Yuki kept his public image of a mysterious, indifferent novelist, which pissed Hiro off even more. "I've spoken to One's producer (K growled furiously at the mention of his brother) and their manager. I told them that we are coming over. They'd lead Shindou-san and Ryuichi-san to us today, without them knowing."

Tatsuha tilted his head, confused. "Why not tell the two of them first?" He appeared calm and nonchalant on the outside. Inside, he was dying to see Ryuichi again. The same was in Yuki's case.

"We don't want to cause a scene, Tatsuha-san. I'm afraid they'd avoid us at all cost if they know we are going to be here," explained Tohma. "Besides, we get to see how Shindou-san and Ryuichi-san react." They silently nodded their head and agreed with Tohma. Even with the solemn look, he was still the cunning president, ex-keyboardist extraordinaire. By the time they reached the concert hall, Shuichi and Ryuichi were just about to sing a song. The seven of them were careful to sit at the seats at the farthest back of the hall. They were also wearing dark outfits to boot. Yuki groaned and rubbed his temple as soon as the music started. "Not this song!" It was one of One's sad songs, 'Away From Home'. Instead of a happy melody with depressing lyrics, the music was melancholic and heart wrenching to match the words.

_I wake up to the sunlight on my face.  
I look around, expecting to find you in my haze.  
(And then) The fog clears and I remember.  
I've been away from you since that day in November._

_Feels like a razor dancing across my skin  
as my tears find their way down to my chin.  
I miss you dearly but I am not giving in  
after all that I have tasted, heard and seen.  
I wonder if you're missing me too  
but deep inside, I know it's untrue._

_Now I'm so far away,  
far away from home.  
There is nothing left to say  
and I'm here all alone.  
I miss you, day by day  
and I never want to feel this way (never again).  
I wonder if you ever noticed at all  
that I'm so far away from home.  
_

_I used to always try to make you laugh  
but you acted like I never existed – like a bluff._

_(I tried) I pretended like everything was alright  
but inside, I housed only pain and fright.  
I miss you dearly but I am not giving in  
after all that I have tasted, heard and seen.  
I wonder if you're missing me too  
but deep inside, I know it's untrue._

_Now I'm so far away,  
far away from home. (Yes, I'm away)  
There is nothing left to say (no more)  
and I'm here all alone. (without you)  
I miss you, day by day (I do)  
and I never want to feel this way (never again).  
I wonder if you ever noticed at all (Did you? Do you?)  
that I'm so far away from home.  
Away from home.  
_

_I don't want to go home  
You never wanted me there  
But here, I'm lonely and alone  
It's just not fair!_

_Now I'm so far away,  
far away from home. (Yes, I'm away)  
There is nothing left to say (no more)  
and I'm here all alone. (without you)  
I miss you, day by day (I do)  
and I never want to feel this way (never again).  
I wonder if you ever noticed at all (Did you? Do you?)  
that I'm so far away from home.  
Away from home.  
Away from home…  
_

The song, although sung by both Shuichi and Ryuichi, was written and composed by Shuichi alone. Therefore, Yuki knew perfectly well the song was written specifically for him. Shuichi did left in November a little over a year ago. Too caught up in the singers' rehearsal, the party did not notice Carlain approaching them. "You," K hissed, being the first one to spot the calm blond. He shook hands with all of them except K. He still valued his life. "Please follow me. Sage and Rage will follow shortly."

A very confused Shuichi and a perplexed Ryuichi followed Locke, not knowing where the manager was leading them. Asking was proven pointless because Locke kept saying that he was not supposed to tell. When they stopped in front of a closed mahogany door, Locke took a deep breath and opened the door to reveal the occupants of the room behind the door. Tohma offered them a wary smile, which caused Ryuichi to wince inwardly.

K sent a cold glare that said 'I'm not going to even talk to you yet' towards Shuichi and Ryuichi before forcefully dragging a surprised Carlain out of the room. Locke was so tempted to break the uneasy silence but he knew better. Shuichi shot his manager a furious glare. "What are these people doing here?" he asked coldly in English, shocking everyone there. Yuki couldn't say anything. Shuichi sounded as cold as when he called him on the phone. "Mr. Seguchi wanted to see the two of you before the concert."

"And you didn't tell us why?" This time, it was Ryuichi who asked. He sounded as cold as Shuichi if not colder. Locke had no answer to that so he kept quiet. Shuichi scanned the room. His eyes found a pair of golden eyes. He suppressed a gasp at the sight of the eyes. They were cold, like he remembered them. But there was something inside them that Shuichi could not comprehend. Other than that, the novelist looked perfectly fine… and was as charming as always.

Ryuichi was startled the most when he met Tatsuha's eyes. The young man's face was sullen and dull. Ryuichi wanted so much to just forgive whatever the boy did to him and return to his embrace but he simply refused to give in to his desire. "Shuichi…" Yuki took a step forward but stopped dead when Shuichi stepped backwards. "I don't need to speak to my past," he spat coldly and fled. Ryuichi followed the younger singer, leaving Locke stunned in the room. Noriko promptly burst into tears. Hiro and Suguru were totally surprised. How could someone like Shuichi change so much? Whatever it was, their '_Plan A: Talk to Shuichi and Ryuichi before the first concert'_ failed miserably, much to Yuki and Tatsuha's frustration. The way the songsters ran away from them did not help either. It was then that they fully realised that they were note going to be dealing with the old Shindou Shuichi and Sakuma Ryuichi. They were going to be dealing with two very different people, hardened by emotional pain and constant disappointments.

A whole new plan needed to be formed.

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o- 

The unexpected confrontation bothered Shuichi and Ryuichi a lot. Both could not forget how hurt their friends looked. Ryuichi stood looking into nothingness in the comfort of the hotel room he shared with Shuichi at Tokyo Dome Hotel later that night. Tokyo did not change much in a year but the sense of loss lingered heavily somewhere in his heart. Shuichi sighed for the hundredth time that night. Their concerts would première the next day. Ryuichi had remained in the position for the past hour and Shuichi was starting to get really worried. "Ryuichi, you should get some sleep," Shuichi tried to reason but Ryuichi appeared to be lost in some kind of trance. Shuichi even whined but was ignored completely. The older singer wore a blank expression on his face, betraying no emotion. "I was on a Nittle Grasper mini tour that day."

"Eh?" Shuichi was confused. What was Ryuichi talking about?

"I'd been away for two months. I called him at home. It was supposed to be seven o'clock in the morning in Japan. I was so eager to let him know that I was going to be home early. It wasn't him who answered the phone, though. It was a girl."

Shuichi's eyes widened considerably. Ryuichi was talking about Tatsuha! Ryuichi was telling him why he decided to say goodbye to his beloved. "And then?"

"I was about to ask the girl who she was but he snatched the phone from her and greeted me. I could tell he sounded nervous. I asked him who she was and he told me she was a friend coming over to discuss about their school assignment. I knew better, Shuichi. What kind of girl visits a lone guy in his apartment to discuss about studies at seven in the morning on Sundays? I didn't press the matter, though. I just let it go. We were so happy together and I thought I could overlook his infidelity just this once. He was young, after all. One day, I wanted to pick him up from school just to surprise him. Guess what I saw? He was _making out_ with some girl, his schoolmate I dare say."

"Ryuichi…"

"The moment was brief but it still hurt me. I thought my mind was playing me tricks so I shrugged it off. The next few days, it happened again. He never saw me waiting for him there. He looked happy, you know? So I thought things over. I'm twice his age. Him being with me clipped his wings of freedom. Later, I guess I just… broke. I decided to set him free… and walked away." Ryuichi ended his story there and turned to face Shuichi. "But now I don't know anything anymore." Shuichi was about to say something when something unexpected happened.

Someone was knocking at their hotel door…

- To be Continued -

You know what? I LOVE talking to my reviewers. (Glomps all of you) You make me feel loved! You know, this one author e-mailed me an **insult**. **Her exact words would be:** _"How could a stupid, crappy story like yours get so many reviews? Mine is a million times better!"_ Then she proceeded to babble about how blind readers are. I am so not at fault here, am I? Anyways…

**_GETTING UP CLOSE AND PERSONAL  
_Steelsings:** Sure, bambi eyes always work XD. Yay, you actually understand why Ryuichi left Kumagorou behind. Yes, it's a sign that he decided to drop his mask of exuberance. And I understand those things about cutting too. I even call myself a 'masochist'. Like Ryuichi, I like running sharp objects across my skin too. Not enough to draw much blood but enough to let me feel the pain. I don't know. It just feels good. Erm… Moving on. Yes, Yuki won't be OOC in public. He'll still be the 'cold bastard' at most times. Old habits die hard XP And about Tatsuha… Well, he's no longer a monk (refer to Chapitre 1). Angel of Angst? Wow… That's so COOL! Go me!  
**laseri:** First of all, welcome to _GurabiteshiyonDotNet_! Thank you for spending time reading (and most of all) reviewing this humble fic. I'm just glad youfind the grammatical errors and typos bearable. Sometimes, I write too fast for my own good and missed the errors when I go over what I've written before posting them on the sites. I don't think I'd make Shu and Ryu act lovey-dovey towards each other in this fic, though. That's reserved for my future fic (which will start after I finish AitSWS). I'm thinking about making Yuki and Tatsuha jealous – with Locke and Carl! In this fic, Locke looks like Yuki (read on). You're right, your loooong review made me smile, with WAFF inside. Thank you for your support! Good luck with your essay, btw.)  
**calbee:** Your name seems familiar… Is it a brand of some sort (like food maybe)? Ahem, sorry. Actually, I do believe that Yuki isn't such a cold bastard. In the manga, Yuki is very possessive and sweet, esp in volume 9 and above. Remember his expression when Tohma told him Shuichi might end up staying permanently in the US depending on how Sakano handle the situation? As for Ryuichi, his reasons are explained in here.  
**KittyKisa: **Tatsuha crying was weird but as for Ryuichi, it isn't hard to imagine. Just look at Shu-chan. They're practically twins esp in the manga!  
**MayNeuma: **Original and refreshing? Woot! Go me! Yes, I love the virus attachment thing too. K rocks!  
**flippy:** Wow, you reviewed all of the prologues and chapters! _Fucking_ awesome? I'm flattered XD  
**Kitty in the Box:** Yay, it's you! You got it right – Shuichi IS dying. Aren't I _nice_?  
**Lai:** That depends on me. He he.. How cruel could I get?  
**Shirubaa Kitsune:** LOL! A filler… I guess I have to agree.  
**Random Person:** I'm dying to write that part as well but that have to wait. I want it to be accidental. K and Carl… Hahaha!  
**SpiritsFlame:** You really, really made me happy. Reviewing and complimenting even when you haven't read the whole story. Wow, I guess the summary must have been 'that' good. I hope you won't take back what you said after you read the chapters.  
**ichigo-chan:** There's a reason the genre is Romance/Angst. Wait… crying is 'refreshing'? O.o I rock? Yay!  
**MonkeyGurL:** Take that, Yuki you jerk! Ahem, sorry about that. That part, I was trying to make the chapter longer by putting it there. Later, I found it fitting. So… hehe. Oh, and I updated AitSWS. Go see!  
**Winged-One Angel:** Ooh, a 10! Thank you so much! Love that waterfall comment :--)  
**lilith:** Then keep reading, and you'll make me happy in the process.  
**DeMoN4EvA:** That sounds like in 'Friends'. Maybe you could e-mail me your Xanga. For some reason, doesn't allow links.  
**ali:** Sad… That's right. But that's the way we all like it, right? Right.  
**DarkMetalAngel of Destruction:** Wow, you're the only one who actually like the idea of me killing one of them (preferably Shu-chan). Let's see…  
**LilBlue-Hedggie:** Actually, I want that e-mail too. French, I love that language. It's quite hard to pronounce the words but I can read it okay. I learn French on my own and it's more fun than learning at school.  
**Bram:** I wonder what you're yelling for… Hope it's not at me! (Hides behind a Bram-proof shield)  
**SuzieQT:** Patience, dear. Read on to find out why Ryu decided enough is enough.  
**Shado-Fyre:** Really? Thank you for the fav!  
**jaderoseangel:** TQ! TQ! I hope I decide to get them back together too but my traitorous mind thought… Uh, never mind!  
**pikapikaryuchan:** Cute name there! Your friend won't think you're crazy over that, LOL! But it's nice to know this fic triggered such feelings in its readers.  
**tangerine-asuka:** And I'll try to live up to your expectation. Read on, please!  
**Shuuichi-Shindou Uesugi:** Me don't like cliffies too but me loves to write one. Twisted, I know. Let's see what you think of this chapter.  
**Fuyuko-chan:** No, you have every right to think that because it's supposed to create that effect XD  
**Hyper Chef:** In-denial!Shuichi is fun to write. You're right, Ryu should thank Yuki for unintentionally saving him from himself but our Ryu has other ideas. And… And… I read your fic! I read it! I read your Broken Heart! Did you read my review?  
**Languish-Dreams:** And to think it all started with an imagination… Thank you! I'd want a Kuma-chan Beam even if I finish it. Like Shuichi said in the OAV, "I can die happy now."  
**Moonfairyhime:** (Pats your head as you cling to me) Thank you. You really should sleep before reading this fic, though (wink)  
**Chibi-Midnight Sakai:** If you can't help it, the please keep reading it. I'm so, so glad!  
**otherworld:** Yes, that's the perfect way to describe it! Mine is 'Angst comes before happiness'. Hehe!  
**Eudoxus:** Don't be so sure, honey. Me don't like Moulin Rouge. Yuki won't be like that. It would be too OOC (winks).  
**Kenz:** I shall. It's going to be a long way until the do get back together… that is if I decide to get them together!  
**Christy:** It's supposed to be sad. Happy phone call wouldn't fit the plot at all.  
**Annabel:** (Squee) They're there!  
**Blackrose451:** OMG! OMG! OMG! How many 'please' was that again? Okay, here's an update!  
**Lav:** Oh, yay! You reviewed this one too XD I LOVE YOU! There's a huge difference between this Shuichi and AitSWS-Shuichi. AitSWS-Shuichi is really that cold but this Shuichi is just pretending.  
**Yukichi:** I would like to get my stories published one day. Am working on my first novel! Hehehe…  
**firewithin:** And I'll put more efforts to make the pulse beat faster. Haha! Enjoy the story!  
**animegirl12182:** Some say it's a cliffie and some say it isn't. Whatever! Please enjoy this chapter!

Thanks a lot for all of your support. I love you people! I really do!


	7. Chapitre 5: Masks

As I post this, I'm still royally pissed off. Why? Well, my computers couldn't connect to the internet since last Wednesday. When I go to Cyber Café, the internet won't work either. Then I found out that the ISP was having some kind of trouble with their network. In truth, the computers can connect to the internet but we can only SEND data, not RECEIVE data – which means we get DNS error message when we try to view a webpage. Damnit! I hate internet withdrawal! That's why this chapter is royally late. SORRY EVERYONE! I hope you guys are still reading this. T.T Just so you all know, I'm going to be a lot busier than before after this. I'm going to a matriculation college (May 16, 2005) so, I will only be able to update once in a while (I'm targeting for CGPA 4.0). Please bear with me.

Like always, a **new song written by me** in this chapter. Remember the song **Shuichi** wrote in **chapter 1**? Yes, it's '**Letting Go'**. Hope you enjoy it, no matter how crappy it is.

One more thing, please read and review the _**side story** _to 'Solitude Chronicles': '**Sibling Rivalry**' by '**Hyper Chef**' at **www . fanfiction . net / s / 2345668 / 1** . Remember to remove the spaces between the characters before you type the address.

**_p.s/_**  
This chapter was written under the influence of the song "**Wereld Zonder Jou**" by Marco Borsato and Trijintje. I don't speak their language, but I LOVE the song. Hehe… And to those who have not yet read my **YukixShuichi** story, "**On the Edge**", check out my profile to read it. Don't forget to leave a **review** too! (wink) To those who already read and reviewed it, thank you very much! Now, on to the story!

"_Why can't you be with me to hold me tight,  
just being with you will make everything better and bright,..  
I can't seem to shake you off my mind,  
I just want to go back in time to just press 'rewind'...  
You're all that I want, you're all that I need.  
So why don't you come and be with me?_"  
**- 'Without You' by KISS -**

**CHAPITRE 5: MASKS**

Shuichi and Ryuichi looked warily at the door, debating whether or not should they open it. Shuichi winced as another knock was heard. He covered his ears and hid under the blanket. "Ignore it, Ryu-chan," he whined lightly, making Ryuichi chuckle. The older man loved seeing even a small glimpse of the old Shuichi. "I'll go see who it is. You go to sleep. Okay?" Shuichi answered with a slight "Aa." Ryuichi straightened and walked to the door. "Who's there?" he asked tentatively. The hands that knocked on the door froze. Silence reined the air, much to Ryuichi's annoyance. Too bad the door did not have a peephole. "Look, if this is some kind of prank, leave now before we call the security."

"Ryuichi…"

Ryuichi was taken aback at the soft voice on the other side of the door. With shaking hands, he unlocked the door and opened it to reveal a sad Seguchi Tohma. The two former band mates stared at each other for the longest time in silence. Tohma was not smiling, and this fact brought tears to Ryuichi's eyes. Without saying anything, Tohma hugged the man he considered his best friend. Ryuichi was hesitant to return the embrace at first but in the end, he relented. He missed Tohma and Noriko a lot. "Ryuichi, you're back," Tohma whispered in a voice that made the singer feel guiltier. "I thought I'd never see you again." Ryuichi closed his eyes and let the tears fall. He could feel his shoulder getting wet as well, which meant that Tohma was crying. He felt guilty now, for making his usually composed friend cry. Tohma and Noriko shouldn't take Tatsuha's blame. "Noriko and I have missed you so much."

Ryuichi's lips formed a small smile. The old Ryuichi would have grinned and giggled at the sentiment in Tohma's words but this is the new Ryuichi, the Ryuichi who wore masks to hide his pain and suffering. "I've missed the two of you too." There, he admitted. "But you're really the last person I want to see right now." Tohma broke their contact and wiped his eyes with a handkerchief. "Please, Ryuichi. I know the hour is very late but I just want to talk to you." Ryuichi stood unblinking before the blond. He looked around for a while. When he was pretty sure no one was hiding there, Ryuichi nodded. "Fine. Let's take a walk around."

What Ryuichi didn't notice was that Tohma had slipped a few pieces of crumpled up tissue paper into the lock hole. In short, the door to the hotel room was not locked.

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Shuichi was drifting off to sleep when he felt a tentative hand lightly shaking his shoulder. The bed sagged under the new weight who just sat on it. "Ryuichi?" he asked groggily. The hand stopped shaking him. Shuichi wondered what was wrong with his friend. The room was too dark for him to see anything. Even the curtain was closed. "Is that you, Ryu-chan?" he asked again, a little worried.

". . . No."

All trace of drowsiness fled his body and Shuichi jumped out of bed in shock. The voice did not belong to Ryuichi. With shaking hands, he switched on the light and gasped audibly upon seeing the person sitting on the edge of the bed. Calm yet sorrowful golden orbs bored into shocked heliotrope crystals. "Yu… Yuki…" Shuichi couldn't believe his eyes. There, right in front of him, was the man he had always loved. "How did you get in here?" Yuki shrugged. "Does it matter?" Shuichi's eyes narrowed at the nonchalant answer in the form of a question. Closing his eyes, he turned around, his back to his former lover. Tears were threatening to fall from his eyes and there was no way he would let Yuki see them. He refused to be the weaker between them anymore. "Look, I don't know how you managed to get in but I suggest you leave this room at once before I call the security."

Yuki knew this kind of threat was coming so he unplugged the phone from its chord before Shuichi could act. He stood up and looked at the younger man. The singer was only wearing a pair of black slacks. Yuki could see how thin and pale his ex-lover was, and this realisation brought pain to his heart. "Shuichi…" Shuichi shivered at the voice he'd been longing to hear for over a year now. "I just want to talk to you."

The mahogany haired singer was startled at the novelist's dejected tenor. If memory served him right, Yuki never spoke to him like that save the phone call he received from the older man a few weeks prior. Slowly, Shuichi turned to look at the man he loved. His expression was unreadable, and Shuichi tried his best to let his pain and weakness not show. "But I don't want to talk to you. Besides, there's nothing to talk about." Yuki flinched inwardly. Shuichi sounded just like… him? He was not prepared to face this new Shuichi but he had to try. If he did not succeed in two months, One would leave Japan to continue their tour. "You left me," Yuki stated dryly, proud of himself that his voice did not break. "You didn't even give me a reason why."

Shuichi couldn't believe his ears. Yuki took the risk of sneaking into his hotel room just to tell him that. The intense pain was replaced with anger and disbelief. What right did Yuki have to question his leaving? "It's not like you never treat me the same way before. At least I left you something. Once, there was a stupid young adult who woke up one morning to find his lover gone with no notes or reasons. Sounds familiar to you?"

"Shuichi…"

There was his name on Yuki's lips again. The anger in him increased tenfold. Shuichi took hold of the pillows and flung them at Yuki. Every single item that he could reach, he threw it at the novelist, who dodged almost everything thrown his way with ease. "What the hell is wrong with you? You were always pushing me away and calling me names. You still called me names even when I told you not to. Why the fuck are you calling me by my name now? Shuichi, Shuichi, Shuichi. I'm sick of this joke! You want your damn reasons, then ask yourself what they are! If you think I'd run into your arms like I stupidly did so many times before, you're sorely mistaken. If you expect to find the stupid pink haired kid again, you won't find him. He's dead, Yuki. He's dead!" That being said, Shuichi dropped to his knees dejectedly. The strength he showed just a moment before was slowly leaving his body as it shook uncontrollably with rage and sorrow. Yuki quickly sprung into action and took the smaller man into his arms. Shuichi's eyes flashed dangerously as he pushed Yuki away. "Don't touch me! You've lost the right to do so long ago."

Yuki took a step back, hurt and shocked at Shuichi's coldness. "I… I don't understand," said Yuki, confused. Shuichi looked up just in time to see Yuki's crumbling façade. It was only then that Shuichi noticed how pale Yuki was. There were dark circles under his eyes, and the golden orbs were full of emotion. His face was a little gaunt, unlike before. Was this man really Yuki Eiri? Yuki closed his eyes and balled his fingers. "You left me with only a poem in which you said goodbye to me. What did I do, Shuichi? Why did you suddenly leave? Did I hit you? Did I hurt or violated you in any way?"

Shuichi scoffed. "I would have been glad if you hit me, because then it would show that you acknowledged my presence."

"Every time you ignored me, I slowly died," Shuichi said brokenly, and Yuki paled and shivered. The famous singer did not want to show his weakness but he could not. "All that's left is this man who had to wear masks of who he once was." He walked around him to stand before the window. City light was beautiful from there but it did nothing to cheer Shuichi and Yuki. "You… You killed the old Shindou Shuichi. When I left that night, I realised that Shindou Shuichi was dead. You won't find him here, Yuki. Leave me alone. You were always complaining about how annoying I was. Shouldn't you be glad I left? Huh, you're such an ungrateful bastard, Yuki."

Ouch! That stung.

Yuki looked around. The room was a real mess, complete with broken vase and glasses. The novelist never thought Shuichi was capable of such display of anger. It pained him to know that this change in personality was brought to life because of him. "You're right. I'm an ungrateful bastard – an ungrateful bastard who loves you."

_Love? What the…_ "Shut up! Just because you write about love for a living doesn't mean you know anything about it!"

"I searched for you, Shuichi. I never stopped searching for you since the day you left me. I couldn't bring myself to accept someone else into my life. You're the one that I want."

Shuichi laughed coldly. "Suuuuuure, Uesugi-san. Oh, look! I never knew the grass is so purple."

"Shuichi –"

"Oh, for God's sake, stop 'Shuichi'ing me!" He pointed his finger firmly at the door. "Leave." Yuki sighed and nodded his head. He walked towards the exit with his heart constricting in his chest. Was this how it was supposed to end? Did he wait for over a year just to give Shuichi up like this? Did he?

No.

"I won't give up." One hand on the doorknob, the handsome novelist turned around. His cold expression faltered completely. "I won't give you up because I love you. I'll make you believe it's true. I'll make you see I'm no longer Yuki Eiri the ignorant bastard. My name is Uesugi Eiri, and I'll make you see that too." A single tear trickled down his face and Yuki walked out of the room, closing the door behind him with a soft click. Inside , Shuichi was gaping at the door incredulously. Did he just see tears on Yuki's face? Was that possible? Suddenly, it felt so hard for him to breathe. Something was blocking the air passage to his lung. '_Not this again!_' He frantically searched for his pills. When that did not work, he reached for his brand new cell phone and hit his speed-dial number 2. '_Please, please be awake!_' He was relieved when a drowsy voice greeted him.

"Locke? I… (cough) need (cough) your help! (cough) (cough)"

The line went dead in a flash.

x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x

Ryuichi's talk with Tohma left the singer thinking heavily.Tohma had told him that Ryuichi was still a shareholder of the company. They talked about the good old days and the singer found himself being able to laugh. When Tohma started asking why he left, however, Ryuichi could barely hold himself from snapping at the NG President. Instead of answering, he decided to wind the conversation up and return to the comfort of his hotel room. He was walking back to the room he shared with Shuichi when someone bumped into him. They both fell backwards and groaned in pain. Ryuichi stood up and rubbed his sore bottom lightly. He immediately brought his head up as he heard the man apologising. "Carl?" Sure enough, it was Carl. He was only clad in half-buttoned shirt and loose khakis. He didn't even has his spectacles on. Carl looked like he was in a hurry. "Oh, great! You're here. There's an emergency!" said Carl, panicked. Ryuichi frowned. "Emergency?"

"Locke called me. It's Sage."

Ryuichi paled considerably. '_Shit! Why the hell did I leave him alone?_' He didn't ask for Carl to explain. They ran as fast as they could to said hotel room. When they got there, Locke was cleaning up the mess the room had become. Shuichi was safely tucked in a blanket in one of the beds. There were traces of broken glasses yet to be cleaned in certain spots on the floor. Carl gasped. "What in the world – "

"It's not what you guys think," Locke cut in before Carl finished his sentence. "He wasn't attacked."

"Then, what happened?"

"He _had_ an attack," Locke said, pointing at the bottles of pills on the nightstand. Ryuichi kneeled beside the bed and took Shuichi's right hand in his. "God, Shu-chan, I shouldn't have answered the door and left you alone in here. I'm sorry." Shuichi didn't answer. Still holding Shuichi's fragile hand, Ryuichi looked over his shoulder at Locke. "He didn't happen to… cough up blood, did he?" Locke shook his head. Both Ryuichi and Carl were relieved to hear that. If Shuichi happened to cough up blood, it wouldn't be healthy for him to perform the next day. Besides, they would insist Shuichi be brought to the hospital. "Where were you anyway, Rage?" Carl asked curiously. Locke had his attention on the older singer too.

Ryuichi sighed sadly. "I was talking to Seguchi Tohma." Locke blinked rapidly at that. Carl raised an amused eyebrow. "How did it go, then?" asked the producer. Ryuichi shrugged. "I don't know. It was okay, I guess."

Carl ran his hand through his messy lock of blond hair. "Good for you. Mine and the manager of Fiery Star's didn't go well at all."

Ryuichi frowned as he brushed a stray lock of hair across Shuichi's forehead. "What did K do?"

The producer sat beside Locke on the other unoccupied bed in the room. "Well, you see…"

………………

………………

………………

_K shoved his younger brother into an empty room and locked the door behind him. Carl rubbed his wrist where K had violently grabbed and dragged him with. He looked up when he felt a cold metal pressed against his forehead. Carl's eyes showed no fear. He stared into K's furious eyes nonchalantly. "Careful where you point that stuff. My spectacles aren't cheap, you know?" Carl said with a smirk, which angered K even more. The older blond was so tempted to just pull the trigger. "Shut up, Carlain Winchester," K growled. "Like it or not, you're going to listen to what I'm going to say."_

_Carl shrugged. "Whatever."_

"_You stole my vocalist," K stated dryly, pressing the gun harder against his brother's forehead._

_Carl narrowed his eyes, clearly annoyed. "I did no such thing, brother dear. Stealing is taking something that belongs to another without their consent. If I'm not mistaken, they chose their paths on their own free will. Don't you dare go and accuse me of such thing."_

"_That's not the point, you moron. You could have told me they were there! You did answer the phone the last time I called my son at home. When was that again? Ah, yes… Two months ago."_

"_I promised Sage and Rage to keep their identities and whereabouts secret until they choose to reveal themselves. They left Japan for a reason, you know? To not be found, especially by you."_

_K scoffed at that. "We searched for them like crazy here and that's all you had to say? Damn it, Carlain!"_

"_I'm a man who keeps his promise, Claude. They wanted it that way and I respected their request. If you ever cared about them at all, you'll stop this 'Put The Blame' game and find out why they left instead."_

_K shot the wall behind Carl and put his gun away with a huff. "I won't forgive any of you for doing this to us." He sat on a vacant chair in the room and motioned for Carl to leave the room. _

………………

………………

………………

"Wow, your brother actually fired his gun? I'm amazed you're still alive," Locke shook his head as Carl told him what happened. Carl rolled his eyes. "Believe me, I am too." Ryuichi chuckled a little bit and looked away from the two blonds to focus on Shuichi. The younger singer appeared to be sleeping peacefully, much to Ryuichi's relief. He didn't know what he would do if something happened to Shuichi.

Later, Locke and Carl forced Ryuichi to sleep. They both took turns taking care of Shuichi to make sure nothing life threatening would befall the younger singer. Throughout the night, Carl couldn't help but think of the conversation he had with his elder brother earlier that day. He didn't tell them the whole details of it.

………………

………………

………………

_Carl readjusted his spectacles and turned to look at K who had his back on him. From where he stood, the producer knew that the other man was trying to calm himself down. "Come to the concert tomorrow," Carl said softly. "Come to the concert and listen to their songs. Listen to every word they sing. If any of you are perceptive enough, you'll know."_

"_Know what?"_

"_You'll see."_

_K cursed under his breath as Carl made his way towards the door. Upon unlocking the door, Carl looked over his shoulder at his fuming brother. He smirked evilly. "By the way, I'll get you to pay for my broken laptop someday."_

_The Fiery Star manager shot the nearest wall again in response. "GET OUT!"_

"_Gladly."_

………………

………………

………………

Carl had given K enough hints. If they still couldn't see it, than the rest of NG Productions were really dumb.

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Yuki, Tatsuha, Tohma, Mika, K, Sakano, Suguru, Noriko and Hiro sat in silence on their respected seats. The audiences were chanting "One" like crazy in the enormous stadium. "I hate crowds," Mika, Yuki and Tatsuha growled, annoyed. The others chose to ignore the comment. They were used to this kind of thing. The light suddenly dimmed. Spotlights focused on the stage. The crowd went crazy when Shuichi and Ryuichi made their dramatic entrance – from above the stage. The two singers' "Good evening, Tokyo!" was greeted with hysteric shrieks from their fans. One sang all of the songs from their first single and album, stopping in between songs to crack up jokes as a means of communicating with the audiences. From the VIP seats, their 'old' friends studied their antics, confusion written clearly on their faces. Shuichi and Ryuichi looked so cheerful and happy, so unlike the ones they met the other day. Yuki was surprised to find Shuichi so cheerful on stage. It hurt him immensely as he thought Shuichi only behaved coldly towards him.

Tatsuha watched Ryuichi with painful eyes. His heart felt like jumping out of his ribcage as the pain intensified with each song they sang. The party couldn't help but notice a pattern in the message of the songs. All of them dealt with broken heart, running away and letting go. They were sure the songs were written for them or for two of them at least. Before they knew it, the concert was almost over. Shuichi and Ryuichi held a finger to their lips to call for silence. The crowd was only too happy to oblige. "Thank you for your attention," Ryuichi said softly into the microphone. "Well, it seems like the show's ending soon. But before the curtain falls, Sage and I have a surprise for all of you."

The crowd waited patiently, anticipating Ryuichi's next word.

Ryuichi glanced sideways at Shuichi and raised an eyebrow. "Well, Sage… Tell them what our surprise for them is, would you?"

Shuichi nodded, looked at the crowd and spoke happily into his microphone. "We're singing a brand new song tonight."

The crowd screeched in delight before Shuichi called for silence again. "If you like 'Away From Home', then we hope you'll like this song too. Ladies and gentlemen, we, members of One, present you…"

"'LETTING GO'!" Shuichi and Ryuichi shouted simultaneously. An instrumental started in the background and the audencies screeched like banshees again. Yuki-tachi braced themselves for the song. The light once again dimmed. The music was slow, ad melancholic. The crowd immediately shut their mouth as the new song, 'Letting Go', began.

_Dear love,  
I look around and remember  
all the times we had together.  
I relive the unbearable pain  
as I walk down this road in the rain._

_Dear friends,  
we used to smile and laugh  
even when things were tough.  
So, if we meet again one day,  
don't forgive me for running away._

_I've been waiting for so long  
to sing to you this song  
because even now I still can't let go_

_The time we spent apart has changed me  
I'm no longer who I used to be  
When I close my eyes, you haunt my dreams  
Letting go of you is impossible, it seems_

_My love,  
you taught me pain I couldn't stand  
and it's so hard to comprehend  
what was playing there in you mind  
All I knew was that you'd never be mine (So, I left)_

_My friends,  
I couldn't let any of you see  
what my pain has done to me  
I didn't want to see you with pity in your eyes  
So, I left and told you lies. (Yes, I did)_

_I've been waiting for so long  
to sing to you this song  
because even now I still can't let go_

_The time we spent apart has changed me  
I'm no longer who I used to be  
When I close my eyes, you haunt my dreams  
Letting go of you is impossible, it seems.  
I tried so hard to leave everything behind  
but memories are there to mess with my mind.  
When I close my eyes, you haunt my dreams  
Letting go of you is impossible, it seems.  
One of these days I'll learn to forget  
and then it would be as if we'd never met.  
(But now) When I close my eyes, you haunt my dreams  
Letting go of you is impossible, it seems._

_When I close my eyes, you haunt my dreams  
Letting go of you is impossible, it seems._

For a while, the whole dome was silent. K almost gasped in shock as he recalled Carl's words to him the other day:

"_Come to the concert and listen to their songs. Listen to every word they sing. If any of you are perceptive enough, you'll know."_

The lyrics…

_So, if we meet again one day,  
don't forgive me for running away._

They were right. Shuichi and Ryuichi's new song were written for them.

_I didn't want to see you with pity in your eyes  
So, I left and told you lies._

All thoughts of revenge fled Hiro and Suguru's minds. The rage they felt towards the former Bad Luck vocalist was now directed towards a certain novelist, who was gaping at the stage even after One said their goodbyes and left the stage. Yuki wasted no time. He ran backstage, showing his backstage pass to the guards before running to find Shuichi. If what he heard in the songs were true, then it meant Shuichi still had feelings for him. It meant that Shuichi still loved him.

_When I close my eyes, you haunt my dreams  
Letting go of you is impossible, it seems._

Yes, it had to be. Yuki was sure that the Shuichi who treated him coldly the night before was farce. Shuichi was just acting; he was just pretending to hate Yuki. Yuki wondered though… If Shuichi could express his love in his songs, why was he being so cold?

Yuki continued running. As he turned a corner, he saw Shuichi heading to the toilet. He smiled and followed the singer. The smile, however, vanished completely from his face as he observed the scene that unfolded before him. Shuichi leaned against the wall and cough uncontrollably with one hand covering his mouth.

Said hand was covered in blood from the coughing mouth.

"Shu… i… chi…"

**- To be Continued -**

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Truthfully, I don't like this chapter. I think I'll revise this later. I'll let you guys know if I do, okay?

Oh, God… Thanks a real lot for all the reviews, everyone! I appreciate every one of them. Now, on to the "**GETTING UP CLOSE AND PERSONAL**" business:

**Akuma: **Mass murderer? NO! I DON'T WANT TO BE THAT! (cries) Hmm… I suck at RPing. Good luck and have fun with yours.  
**laseri:** Yes, laseri-chan, I wrote the songs. Songwriting (and poetry writing) is part of my life. Your review will always be appreciated.**  
Hyper Chef:** Go on, hun, cry me a river… Ouch, that sounds so off topic, but, ahem… I love drawing Ryu too, especially the serious Ryu. You named your multicoloured bunny Kuma-chan? XD XD XD! I recently got a Kuma-chan plushie – KAWAII! K and Devil May Cry sound wonderful! Honey, you've been too much into DMC lately, haven't you? (wink)  
**Languish-Dreams:** Yeah, Yuki and Tatsuha have to grovel, and grovel and grovel! All this angst makes me more depressed than ever but your _One Bad Week_ is one good escape! Yayness!  
**SakuraKino:** Okay. And sorry for the delay!  
**Joeys-Babygirl:** Really? That's so nice to know. I still can't believe you find this fic adorable…  
**flippy:** Sorry to disappoint, it's not Yuki at the door. But… I hope you like how I get Yuki to meet Shuichi in this chapter! Sneaky!Yuki… Heh. Glad that you like my lyrics. A songwriter, huh? I hope so.  
**Jasline:** They will be physically okay but mentally… I don't know (evil grin)  
**Lavenderpup:** Woot, Lav-chan! I'm so, so, so, so flattered! So, how did the assignment go?  
**wolfie:** Firstly, THANK YOU VERY MUCH! But I have to say that I'm perfectly human and definitely not perfect. If you know the real me, I doubt you would idolize me, heeheheh… But I'm grateful all the same XD Please keep reading! And woot! Double review? I adore you!  
**beyblade-athene:** Next, I'm planning to write a heartbreaking chapter instead of touching one. Bwahaha!  
**arimi-yume:** I'm terribly sorry for the delay T.T  
**LilBlue-Hedggie:** Yessssssss, Locke is IN LOVE with Shuichi!  
**Helle's Seraph:** Thankies! If you like "Hello, love!", then I hope you'll like the lyrics in this chapter too!  
**Kitty in the Box:** Gawd, did I make him too cold? I guess AitSWS is rubbing off Y.Y. Scarier than Ryu? You haven't read the rest yet, teeheehee…  
**Juli-chan:** Good ending… I don't know… And thank you for standing up for me!  
**Shiomi:** Nyaaa! Thankies! I hope you still think the same way after this chapter!  
**ali:** You think Shuichi is that scary as well? Hmm…  
**ichigo-chan:** LOL! I love happy endings too!  
**SoulofSaturn:** You don't have to wait anymore, yay!  
**otherworld:** Actually, I was too sleepy and I had to stop there. Plus, writer's block was starting to attack me. So… Hehehe… Kidnap O.o?  
**tangerine-asuka:** Yay, you're actually one of those few who want to see them argue! I'm sooo happy XD  
**animegirl12182:** And this story loves you too…  
**utsubame:** That's because she didn't leave a review. She sent me an e-mail straight away to my inbox.  
**DarkMetalAngel of Destruction:** I don't have IM for the time being (sad, I know…) But true, angst and happy endings make a good combination!  
**sailorsaturncosmo:** That was… amusing. Next time, don't stay up just because of this story. It's not healthy (wink)  
**gravitation gig:** Yes, it's a cliff hanger… Or so I think.  
**Amethyst Blossom:** But this time I update really late. Sowie… and thank you! BTW, I really love your name.  
**SpiritsFlame:** Phew, I'm glad to hear that. Thanks.  
**GayNecro:** Necro? As in, necromancer? Ok, I'm being stupid. Don't mind me. Thank you for the fav.  
**MayNeuma:** (sobs) Don't hate me! See, I made a longer chapter XD Tat and Yuki are Ignorant bastards? LOL! The second paragraph of your review really make me feel warm inside. Thank you.  
**firewithin:** Yay!  
**Moonfairyhime:** Believe me, they won't take it well.  
**Shirubaa Kitsune:** Because I was so sleepy at that time. Hehehe…  
**Silvermoonlight:** Umm… I don't understand what you're saying because the link won't show in your review. If you mean why reviewers from Gurabite or AFF are also listed here, that's because I can't afford to make separate documents to post on different sites. I'd be confused.  
**Eudoxus:** Really? Wow, you rendered me speechless for a while there. If only I could get a band to sing the song… I'd die happy! Thank you also for standing up for me. (smooch) Mmmwah!  
**hiroyukishinji:** I guess this is as soon as I can get it out. Sorry for the long delay.  
**teqnicolor:** Yeah, people this days… This cliffie business is really great, isn't it? That's why I try to put it in whenever possible.  
**kenz:** Yay, this fic love you too!  
**Alexandria Faith:** Top three? Thank you, and go me! Here, I updated!  
**Blackrose451:** LOL, you mean you were on sugar high? Priceless! Anyways, enjoy the chapter!  
**Honoo:** Don't worry about that. Sorry to disappoint, but it isn't Yuki!  
**Jaina:** Thank you for the support Tatsuha 4ever? Cute!  
**GravityNeko:** Okay, here's more.  
**Shizuchan21:** Yeah, emotional… That's the whole point. Thanks a lot for reading!  
**Saiyuki:** Poor them… But they're filthy rich! O.o LOL! Pardon my stupidity. Here's more.  
**xangelsarah:** I hope so too… If I'm not feeling too cruel, maybe.  
**Yukichi:** (sobs uncontrollably) I'm soooooooooo sorry! My WIP novels (trilogy) had nothing to do with homosexuality… My family would disown me at once!  
**Akeatia Foxx:** Really? Thanks a lot. Please keep reading and supporting me. Mmmwah!  
**TEYA TEACUP:** I really, really appreciate your support. Thank you very much. I wonder who your friend who saved my story in her floppy disk is. Say 'thanks' to her for me!

Special thanks to **LaBratt** for e-mailing me. Thank you for your support!

For now… Reviews, anyone? Please?


	8. Chapitre 6: Unveiled

First of all, I'm terribly sorry for neglecting this story. I don't have my laptop with me and it's so hard to get on the internet nowadays. I'll be getting my laptop later next week but I still have to wait until they give me the password to log on. If you've been following my livejournal, you'd understand. Now, on to the story!

**Warning!** This chapter is _dialogue-heavy_.

And the song **'Darkest Corner'** is mine.

"_Take you away from that empty apartment  
You stay and forget where the heart is  
Someday, if ever you love me you'd say  
It's okay_"  
**- 'Empty Apartment' by Yellowcard -**

****

**CHAPITRE 6: UNVEILED**

****

"Shu… i… chi…"

Yuki could not move. Everything suddenly became dark and blurry for him. The only thing that was clear… was Shuichi, and the red liquid weeping off his hand. He was about to run to the singer when a hand stopped him. Another person ran past him to tend to Shuichi and Yuki recognised him as Carl. At that very moment, Shuichi looked up just to observe the fear creeping onto the handsome writer's face. He cursed inwardly, not wanting to reveal his secret ailment just yet or maybe - never. Locke was the one who was holding Yuki back, and Shuichi thanked him for that.

He's got a plan, a good one too.

Shuichi wiped the blood with one hand, while the other smoothed the wrinkled ends of his shirt. He refused to let Carl help him. He needed to be strong for this. To everyone's surprise, Shuichi broke into laughter. He laughed so hard that there were tears trickling down his pale cheeks. Yuki looked from Shuichi to Carl to Locke in bewilderment. What was happening? Why was Shuichi laughing?

"Very funny," said the singing sensation in between laughter. "Who would have thought, that the cold and aloof author Yuki Eiri, could be easily fooled by a bottle of thick syrup? I expected more from you, o-great novelist." Shuichi crossed his arms and smirked. "I knew you'd follow me so I figured I'd play you one nice trick."

Locke removed his hand from Yuki's shoulder and glared at the smirking singer. Yuki's cheeks burned from embarrassment. He turned around and literally flew down the hallway, forgetting his original intention of confronting Shuichi. Carl took a step back to observe the shorter man. "That was a cheap trick, Sage. You want us to die of shock or something?" Shuichi shrugged. "C'mon, Carlain. I need to do something to keep that guy away from me." Carl rolled his eyes and turned around. "I don't know why I bothered. I'll just go and check on Rage." Shuichi waved enthusiastically as Carl walked away, feeling relieved and triumphant. Locke, however, was an entirely different case. Shuichi was not surprised in the least when the manager dragged him out of the studio towards his rented car. "Aw, aw, aw! Let go of me, Locke. You're hurting my hand!" Locke ignored his plea and all but gently shoved him into the front seat of the black Mercedes. "Locke…"

"Your whining and puppy eyes don't work on me," Locke growled as the engine roared to life. "That's no syrup on your shirt. That's no syrup coming from your mouth. I know better, Sage. You can't fool me."

". . ."

"What? You're quiet now? It's because I'm right, isn't it?"

". . . . . ."

Shuichi hung his head down low, not daring to meet his manager's gaze. He knew Locke; always so perceptive. His insightfulness was one of the few factors leading to One's success. "I just don't want anyone to worry about me. You guys have been focussing to much on my health the past few days."

"Like it or not, we'll always worry about you. You're our precious friend. We care about you. _I_ care about you."

The mahogany haired singer blinked. Was it only him or did Locke's words carry some sort of double meaning or something?

"But Locke…"

"Don't 'but' me, Shindou Shuichi! That's blood coming from your lungs and don't you dare try telling me otherwise!" Locke pulled the Mercedes over abruptly, earning a yelp from a surprised Shuichi. Lucky that highway was deserted or Locke could have been arrested for careless driving. Shuichi looked out of the window, looking extremely worn and defeated all of a sudden. The road light illuminated his solemn expression, complementing the shades of his hair. None of them said anything for a few minutes… until Shuichi made a big decision. He needed to tell someone of the one thing he's been keeping inside his tortured heart.

"You're right."

"You should have told us the truth! What if it had been serious? You've only coughed out blood once before."

Shuichi chuckled in a dark way. "Right, once. Once; in front of all of you."

Locke almost had a heart attack right then and there. Was Shuichi implying what he thought he implied? "Whatever do you mean by that?"

"Meaning I've coughed out blood more than once _behind_ your back."

If the car was still on the road, Locke was sure they'd come to a screeching halt. He couldn't believe his ears. Shuichi kept the truth from them all along! So many things could have happened and they wouldn't know. Oh, why must the singer be so masochistic? His reverie was broken as Shuichi went out to savour the view overlooking the city. Locke followed his example, standing right next to the person he secretly loved. He had never seen Shuichi this quiet before. There was this mysterious glow in his eyes that made him look so mournful. The singer chuckled. "I know what you're thinking, but you're right. I've been lying all along. I just can't let anyone know. I just can't… especially Ryu-chan. I don't want him to know."

Whatever Shuichi meant by that, Locke knew they were no longer talking about the 'coughing up blood' thing. "What are you on about now?"

Shuichi tilted his head, shocking Locke with the intense seriousness reflected in his darkened amethyst orbs. "What I meant is…"

x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x

Ryuichi wiped the make-up off his face with the damp cotton buds. He had never been fond of cosmetics, not once in his 32 years of living. Yet, people thought he looked as young as he was because of the blasted thing. He looked up into the mirror when someone suddenly entered the room…

… and promptly froze.

He turned around with the speed of a lightning, knocking over almost everything on the table. His eyes opened wide, mouth gaping like a fish. "Is my presence so revolting that you have to look _that_ surprised?"

"Tatsuha?"

"Hi, Ryuichi."

Time seemed to stop moving. They just stood there staring at each other like they had never known one another before. Ryuichi noted Tatsuha looked so different now that he had the chance to observe the young man closely. He looked very much like Yuki, but yet he was not. His eyes were colder than the last time Ryuichi saw him, his skin was paler and he looked thinner. Ryuichi could only watch as Tatsuha walked forward, closer and closer to him. The young man extended one hand to touch the surprised singer but drew back before his hand made any contact. "It was my entire fault, wasn't it?"

Ryuichi blinked. His heart was beating a mile a minute.

"It was my entire fault that you left, right? I didn't treat you right, did I?"

"… Tatsuha…kun."

"Just tell me. Please, tell me what went wrong. I… I've looked all over for you. I can't accept the fact that you've left me, knowing it was my fault that you felt you had to leave."

Tatsuha looked so desperate, his right hand running through his dark mane. Ryuichi felt like pulling the other man into his embrace but swallowed the urge to do so. He shouldn't be encouraging the boy, but he also didn't want to create a scene. Ryuichi had never seen Tatsuha like this, not ever. For once, Tatsuha looked afraid. At first, the young man walked closer to him. Then he took a few steps back, looking like a scared little boy. Had their indefinite break-up affect both of them this much?

Ryuichi shook his head sadly. "It wasn't just you. It was the both of us."

"What?"

"It wasn't your entire fault. I have to admit, you motivated me to make the decision. But I played a part in it too."

"I don't understand."

"Tatsuha, you were too young and I… We're just not meant for each other!"

"How would you know that? If it was my fault, then you should have told me! We could have talked things out but you chose to leave. Did you hate me that much that you had to go and torment me like that? Do you?"

"It's not like that! You wouldn't understand!"

"Then make it so I understand!"

"… It's too late now. Everything's over. Please, leave me alone."

"Ryuichi…"

"You heard him the first time. Leave now."

All heads turned to the source of the sound, to a blond producer standing in the doorway. Tatsuha took one last look at Ryuichi and left without saying anything more. Ryuichi fell backwards into his chair. Claude patted his shoulder to calm him down. "You're okay, aren't you?" Ryuichi nodded. "Yeah, I'm okay. Thanks for showing. I don't think I can face him longer than this."

"Think nothing of it."

"Where's Shu-chan?"

Claude shrugged. "Locke took him somewhere."

"Oh, okay."

x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x

"No…"

Locke was so taken aback that he fell to his knees, staring up into Shuichi's solemn face. "You.. You're lying. You've got to be lying. Tell me it's just a joke!" Locke asked desperately.

"I wish I could. When the doctor first tell me about it, I didn't want to believe it myself. Then I did the only thing I could come up with at that time. I told you I had bronchitis so you needn't worry much about me. At that time, I was still trying to come to terms with myself… that I actually have lung cancer."

"You… you fool. YOU FOOL! Why did you keep it from us? What if something happens to you and we don't know what's really wrong with you? Why, Shuichi? WHY?"

Shuichi kneeled before Locke and looked deeply into his friend and manager's eyes. "If you know, you'll tell me to stop singing. I don't want that. Singing is what keeps me going." Locke's eyes stung. He felt like crying at the revelation. Lung cancer… Shuichi had lung cancer. Cancer… "But then you'll be tormenting yourself." Shuichi smiled sadly and wiped the lone tear trickling down Locke's cheek. "If you were Shindou Shuichi, you'll understand. But please, let's leave it at that. If I'm lucky, I'll be cured. If not, then I'll just accept my destiny."

Locke took the hand on his cheek into his hand. "You knew all along that something was wrong with you, you knew it before you left Japan, right? Yuki-san's ignorance wasn't the only reason, was it?"

". . . . ."

"You love him. You're still in love with him."

Tears leaked from Shuichi's eyes. "Unfortunately, yes. I still love him." He wiped the tears before Locke could. "He's been through too much. I don't want to cause him more trouble. I did enough damage to both of us for being the one who forced myself into his life."

Locke didn't need to ask more. He understood because if he had been in the same situation, he would have done the same.

x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x

That night, Shuichi could only listen as the radio played Fiery Star's newest hit, '_Darkest Corner'_; a song in which the lyric was written by Yuki Eiri.

_Where, in truth, has my heart gone to?  
Why, when I look around, there's no you?  
Where, in truth, has my love gone to?  
Will I ever once again be with you?  
In the darkest corner, I sit and wait for you…_

_This field of white roses is stained  
with blood, and tears, and my pain.  
I should have cherished those roses more  
before they flew out of my door.  
I should have closed the gate  
before life sealed my fate._

_In this darkest corner, I sit  
Crying…  
Regretting…  
Wondering…_

_Where, in truth, has my heart gone to?  
(Lurking in the darkest corner of my life)  
Why, when I look around, there's no you?  
(You've flown far away from my life)  
Where, in truth, has my love gone to?  
(Throwing me into this darkest corner)  
Will I ever once again be with you?  
In the darkest corner, I sit and wait for you…_

_This field of golden sunflowers is gone  
no more sunlight, its earth mourns.  
I should have cared for those wonders  
before they flew away to wander.  
I should have closed the gate  
before life sealed my fate._

_In this darkest corner, I stand  
Crying…  
Regretting…  
Wondering…_

_Where, in truth, has my heart gone to?  
(Lurking in the darkest corner of my life)  
Why, when I look around, there's no you?  
(You've flown far away from my life)  
Where, in truth, has my love gone to?  
(Throwing me into this darkest corner)  
Will I ever once again be with you?_

_I'm__ sorry  
for all the things I should have done but never did  
Forgive me  
for all the words I should have said but never did_

_Now, in this darkest corner, I stand  
Crying…  
Regretting…  
Wondering…_

_Where, in truth, has my heart gone to?  
Why, when I look around, there's no you?  
Where, in truth, has my love gone to?  
Will I ever once again be with you?_

_Where, in truth, has my heart gone to?  
In this darkest corner, I sit and wait for you…_

**- To be Continued -**

God, I'm such a sadist… And this chapter is just so pathetic. Or is it me who's pathetic? Hmm…

Thank you for those 56 reviews for the previous chapter. I'm sorry for not being able to respond to all of them this time but when I get my laptop, I'll try to respond to my reviewers like before. For now, please leave me a review if you'd like to.


	9. Chapitre 7: Tears That Fall

'**Dark Abyss'** and '**If I Die in my Sleep'** are mine. Gravitation, unfortunately, isn't mine.  
**Warning!** : This chapter might be… confusing. I don't know what came over me. And pardon my language too.

"_With you gone it plays on it's so hard to move on  
I want to, but I wanted you  
Now you stay in my head  
I'm not over you yet  
I try to but I wanted you  
I wanted you  
I will always remember  
I will always remember_"  
**- 'With You Gone' by Ryan Cabrera -**

**CHAPITRE 7: TEARS THAT FALL…**

In his hand was a 'Fundamentals of Business Administration' book but Tatsuha was not paying much attention to the particular book. After all, everything inside it was already in his head. He could not help but think that his brief confrontation with Ryuichi earlier was far from over. He still did not get what he aimed for – the reason for Ryuichi's abrupt flight.

"_It wasn't just you. It was the both of us." _

"_It wasn't your entire fault. I have to admit, you motivated me to make the decision. But I played a part in it too."_

"… _We're just not meant for each other!"_

Frustrated, he slammed the book onto his desk and threw himself onto the bed. The bed cringed threateningly but he simply did not care. What could be so complicated that Ryuichi could not form words to give him even a simple clue? It was true that homosexuality was against the norm but how did Ryuichi conclude that there we not meant for each other? If 'love' comes naturally, what harm would their relationship bring? Okay, so none of them cared about that. Then…

"_Tatsuha, you were too young and I… We're just not meant for each other!"_

Ah… Understandable. Age difference it was, then.

The young man groaned in frustration and flung one of the pillows across the room. Would that be the reason for Ryuichi's leave? Tatsuha wondered why Ryuichi never confronted or talked to him about the matter. They could have talked things out. There was a possibility that things would not be as bad as it was. Instead, Ryuichi had chosen the easiest way out; leaving his lover shocked and confused. The young man blinked rapidly, stopping the tears that threatened to fall with anger. He rubbed his eyes with his sleeve and jumped out of bed. The apartment he shared with his brother was eerily void of warmth and life. On the fridge was a note written in Yuki's smooth handwriting.

_Tatsuha,_

_There's some food left in the fridge in case you're hungry. Just reheat them before you eat. I won't be responsible if you happen to get sick._

_- Eiri_

Tatsuha managed a small smile and chuckled inwardly. Despite his brother's mask of indifference, Tatsuha knew how much the author cared for their family. After all, he was there to watch the changes undergone by his brother for the past year. The door to Yuki's office was slightly ajar with a small amount of light slipping out of the crack, which meant that the author was either still at work, or had fallen asleep writing. The latter was usually more likely considering it was almost three in the morning. After drinking a cup of chamomile tea, Tatsuha knocked on Yuki's door to check on him; he received no answer. Slowly, he stepped into the office. Indeed, the handsome author was asleep with his laptop on. Tatsuha sneaked a peek at what his brother was writing and sighed. He spread a blanket over Yuki's sleeping form before leaving the office. On the laptop, the Microsoft Word document was almost empty with the exception of the word '_Why?_' written there. His small smile turned sad. His brother was wondering the same thing. As silently as he could manage, Tatsuha left the room to his brother's privacy and returned to his bedroom with conflicting emotions. The sight of one little pink stuff rabbit on his bed rendered him speechless. '_Kumagorou must have missed his owner too…_'

x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x

Nakano Hiroshi plucked his guitar strings with absolute ease to their new melody. He was the only one left in the studio, considering it's over three in the morning. Suguru had long since excused himself to go home to calm his mind. One's concert two days ago still replayed itself in Hiro's mind like a polished record. The look on Shuichi's face had been sadder than he had ever seen him before, and it made Hiro's heart ache. He did not know why, but he felt like he understood Shuichi's feelings at that time. He felt like he knew what Shuichi was thinking. The petite singer had not ran away to seek fame as they had thought when they first found out about One. There was more. '_There have to be more_,' he thought. '_There must be more than that. Shuichi would not leave just like that, not after we promised to stay friends forever_.'

_My friends,  
I couldn't let any of you see  
what my pain has done to me  
I didn't want to see you with pity in your eyes  
So, I left and told you lies._

Shuichi had not wanted to let them know what his pain had done to him. What pain was the singer talking about? If Hiro could only tell what the 'pain' meant, then he would find out why Shuichi left so abruptly. There was no way his friend would leave his beloved Yuki Eiri behind. No, he loved the author too much to do that. Hiro looked around. There he was, in the same old studio where he used to laugh with his best friend. Groaning in frustration, he kicked the nearby shelves.

"Ouch!"

The guitarist yelped in shock as a small box fell onto his head from the shelf he just kicked. Cursing no one in particular, he picked the offending box up… and promptly froze. It was a box of strawberry pocky, an empty one to be exact. Memories came running back to him. If only he could turn back time… Smiling sadly, Hiro peered inside the box. To his surprise, there was a small piece of folded paper inside. "What the…" He turned on every single light in the studio to make sure that he was not dreaming or hallucinating. It was there. How could he have missed it? Hands shaking, Hiro unfolded the paper and gasped upon seeing the familiar handwriting. "Shuichi…" he choked.

_Hiro, Suguru, K-san, Sakano-san,_

_By the time you read this, I may not be here anymore. It might have only been a few days or weeks since I left but I know it could also be months or even years until you finally find the letter I wrote. I just want to say I'm sorry for leaving the way I did. It is something I didn't really want to do, but I had to. I have to. It's the only way I can think of now. There is no other way for me._

_Go on without me. Don't let the band die. For now, I have lost the will to sing. If I do sing again, you will be informed only when I'm ready. But when I do, I'm sorry that I won't be with all of you. I don't think I'll ever get the courage to go back to the way things were. I dare not expect any of you to forgive me for leaving._

_I'm really sorry, everyone. I hope we'll meet again one day. When we do meet each other again, please don't forgive me for running away. It's even better for me if you hate me and that you have forgotten about me. Before I pen off, there's another thing I have to make sure. Please don't ever go and blame Yuki. Let him live his life. I have caused enough damage for both of us._

_Farewell, everyone. Please don't look for me._

_Yours in grief,  
Shindou Shuichi._

Hiro read and re-read the note countless of times. How could he have missed this important note? Why did Shuichi hid it so? Most importantly, why would it be better for the singer if they hated him? "You idiot. How could we ever hate you? How could _I_ possibly hate you?" He was more confused with what Shuichi's note said. The singer must have hid the note there on the day before e disappeared, the day he went to work earlier than he usually did.

He needed to let the others know about this new confusion.

x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x

It was seven in the morning, and the room was as silent as always.

Ryuichi stared at his notepad, unblinking. For once, he was scared to read what he himself wrote. Once upon a time, such dark words would not see the light of day as long as he was Sakuma Ryuichi.

_Drift away to welcome this darkness  
This sudden, inevitable nightfall  
You can run, but never can you hide  
From the chill of its cold embrace  
Feel it as it corners you  
To the point of no return  
Surrender to this painful reality  
Let the abruptness of it all  
Leaves you wishing for the impossible  
Watch the last of life seeps out of your vein  
Fall into this dark abyss  
Drink the coldness in  
When your Angel comes  
To stay and take you away_

"Something is seriously wrong with my head," the man said to himself. The poem, 'Dark Abyss', fell freely from his hand. He didn't intend on writing such dark poem. Was he thinking about _death_ that much?

"_Only one of us dying is enough. And that dying person is me."_

All this time, Shuichi was the one who has been saving Ryuichi from himself. The older vocalist might have died if it wasn't for one Shindou Shuichi. Ryuichi couldn't bring himself to end his life although he occasionally felt like it. There would be time when Ryuichi would feel so hollow and empty inside. It wasn't painful, but there was a strange feeling that threatened to choke him with such emptiness. Often, at such time, he contemplated death. Every time he recalled how sad Shuichi looked when he found out the older man had been cutting himself, Ryuichi felt guilty. He didn't want to be the one to cause Shuichi more pain. Shuichi was wrong. None of them was dying, not if he could help it. Shuichi was definitely not dying, and Ryuichi would stop inflicting pain upon himself.

It was time to face reality.

He'd stop destroying himself and save Shuichi the trouble of worrying about him.

Determined, Ryuichi tore the poem he just wrote. He grabbed his personal organiser and looked up a familiar yet long ignored name. _He_ was the only one Ryuichi could rely on at this moment. He didn't know whom to trust with his problem. After all, Ryuichi should have gone to see him a few years back. It was his own fault for casting hell upon himself.

Ah, there the name was!

Ryuichi noted the address down and shoved his wallet and personal organiser into his favourite backpack. He slowly walked towards Shuichi's bed, smiling down at the sleeping figure. Shuichi looked so peaceful when he was asleep. Ryuichi wanted it to always stay that way. "Sleep well, Shu-chan," he whispered, bending down to plant a small kiss on the younger man's forehead. Shuichi mumbled incoherently and stirred but did not wake. A soft snore escaped the sleeping young man, causing Ryuichi to stifle a chuckle. "I'll be back in the evening."

Ryuichi stuck a note to the dresser mirror, telling Shuichi not to worry about him and that he would be back by dusk. Then, he left the room.

"_Yuki…"_

"Hmm?"

"_Yuki, wake up!"_

Yuki Eiri groaned and opened his eyes forcefully. He didn't like to be disturbed when he was sleeping. When his brain started to process the familiar voice, the novelist bolted upright and looked around for the owner of the voice. "Shuichi? Is that you, Shuichi?"

"_Hello, Yuki."_

Yuki turned around. Indeed, Shindou Shuichi was standing in front of him. He was wearing a plain white shirt and a pair of white pants. The younger man looked like his body was emanating some kind of glow, making him look ethereal. When he spoke, his voice echoed as if it bounced off invisible walls around them. This Shuichi, however, wasn't scowling or glaring at him. This Shuichi was smiling. "Shuichi!" Yuki ran, trying to embrace the smiling young man. To his surprise, he went right through the singer. "What the…"

He heard Shuichi chuckle. Yuki turned around again and tried to touch Shuichi. Instead of touching a solid being, his hands went through the man. "What are you?"

"_Does it matter?"_

Yuki thought for a while. Whatever he was, he was still Shuichi. "I guess not. As long as it's you…"

Shuichi chuckled again. "_Silly, Yuki. Guess what? It isn't supposed to be like this."_

Yuki blinked, confused. "What do you mean?"

"_You are supposed to **hate** me. You're not supposed to say you **love** me, especially now."_

Yuki was utterly confused now. What did Shuichi mean? "What are you saying? Why am I supposed to hate you?"

Shuichi's smile turned sad. "_Because you can't love me."_

"Of course I can! I love you!"

"_No! You can't love me!"_

"Shuichi…"

The singer had tears running down his glowing face. He looked so sad that Yuki wanted to cry to. "_You're supposed to **forget** me. You're supposed to **hate** me. You **can't** love me. You just can't! I've convinced myself that you've **never** loved me. I've forced myself to accept reality."_

Yuki really wanted to cry now. "But I never **not** love **you**!"

Shuichi looked up from his tears. "_Move on, Yuki. Forget me. You'll be happier that way."_

Yuki was starting to choke with dry sobs. "How can I be happy without **you**?"

"_Forget me, Yuki. Forget me."_

Shuichi started to vanish slowly before his eyes. Panicking, Yuki desperately tried reaching for him but all he could feel was air. "Wait, don't go! Shuichi!"

"_Forget me, Yuki. Please forget me."_

"SHUICHI!"

"SHUICHI!"

Yuki woke up screaming Shuichi's name. He was panting so hard. He looked around and found out that he was still in his office. His laptop was still on, meaning he had fallen asleep while attempting to write a new story. The dream he just had felt so real. He could almost hear the echo of Shuichi's voice throughout his office. Still, Yuki did not understand the significance of his dream in a slightest. Why would the Shuichi in his dream tell Yuki to forget him? Was it really just a dream?

"_Forget me, Yuki. Please forget me."_

The blond novelist sighed in frustration. His dream was trying to tell him something but he couldn't figure it out. Shuichi looked so desperate in his dream. Yuki wished he could wipe away the tears that fell down his beloved's beautiful face. He remembered how his hands went through the singer's body as he attempted to touch him. It was frustrating. Even in dreams, Yuki still could not touch Shuichi.

"How can I ever forget you, Shuichi? I was not happy before you. How could I be happy again without you?" The question went unanswered. Yuki looked at a book sitting right next to his laptop. The cover was all black, save for the title and the name of the author in front of it.

"**DAUNTING SILENCE"**  
- **Yuki Eiri** -

It was a book of a love found and lost, of regret, and of the pain of solitude. The book was nothing like Yuki's usual writing. There was no pointless romance or meaningless intimacy in the book. It was darker yet light in a sense. It spoke of regrets and remorse. It told a story of the pain brought forth by loneliness. The conclusion was indefinite, leaving readers with endless _what if's_ and _why's._ The book was scheduled to be launched in a week time. Yuki figured he would give a copy of the book to Shuichi on One's autograph session in three days. Again, Shuichi's teary pleas from his dream echoed at the back of his head.

"_Forget me, Yuki. Please forget me."_

If only someone could tell Yuki what his dream meant… Just then, the phone started to ring.

CLICK!

"Hello, this is Uesugi Residence."

"Good morning. Is that you, Yuki-san?"

"Hiroshi?"

"Aa, it's me. Could you please come to the studio for a while? We're discussing something."

"Something, as in what?"

"It's about Shuichi."

"Hang on. I'll be there as soon as I can."

CLICK!

x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x

He thought he was still dreaming when he felt someone touching his face.

"Sage."

"Huh?"

Shuichi's eyes fluttered open at the sound of his new name. He seemed confused. Locke was sitting on his bed, looking down at him with concern. "Locke?" The manager smiled. The room was bright, showered by sunlight. Locke helped Shuichi to sit up and handed the singer a glass of plain water. "What time is it now?" Shuichi croaked.

Locke looked at his watch. "It's almost eleven. You have nothing scheduled for today, so you can rest some more if you want."

"Oh… Where's Ryu-chan?"

"He went out."

Shuichi almost choked on his glass of water. "Out? As in, alone?"

"We didn't realise at what time he went out. He left you a note saying he would be back before sunset. I don't think we should worry too much. He'll be okay. Carlain is quite worried out there, though."

"God, I hope Ryu-chan doesn't do anything stupid," muttered the formerly pink-haired singer under his breath.

"What was that?"

"Oh, nothing! I just said I hope he doesn't go anywhere that's too far away without bodyguards and all."

Locke rolled his eyes good-naturedly. "We all hope so. Hmm, what's that?"

"What?"

"That paper on your nightstand."

Shuichi glanced at the aforementioned paper. He almost forgot about it. "Oh, that… That's just something I was writing for our new song. It's not finished yet, though."

"May I have a look?"

"Sure, go ahead."

_The memories of your smile colour my dreamscape  
Echoes of your laughter - my protection from nightmare  
Your soothing words are my much needed air  
Your presence here makes things seem so fair  
That I have forgotten how I have fallen  
That I have strayed so far away from heaven_

_I hate you because you make me love you  
When I know well I should never do  
And I hate myself for hating you  
Because I never should have tried to  
Blinded by your half-truths and white lies  
Trapped in this fake paradise_

_I want to leave; but I don't really want to  
So maybe I'll take some time away from you  
My eyes are heavy and I'm so tired  
Let me just close my eyes and sort things out_

_But if I die in my sleep,  
Would you believe me like I know you never really did?  
And if I die in my sleep,  
Would you love me more than I know you ever did?_

_If I die in my sleep,  
Would I remember the places where we used to sit?  
Would I remember all that we've ever had...?  
If I die in my sleep..._

Like Shuichi said, the song was not yet finished. He let out a heavy sigh as he finished reading the unfinished piece. The repetition of '_if I die in my sleep_' brought a painful feeling in Locke's heart. He did not want to think of the possibility of Shuichi leaving them. It would be painful for everyone. "Is it written for _him_?" he asked carefully, not wanting to hurt Shuichi's feelings.

Remembering that he had told the older man all of his secrets the previous night, Shuichi snorted. "I am so obvious, am I not? Yeah, I wrote it for _him_. I don't know what came over me. I was listening to Fiery Star's 'Darkest Corner' when I got the inspiration to write this song. I'm calling it 'If I Die in My Sleep'. Scarry title, huh? Think our fans would be scared?"

"Nah, they won't. They love you guys too much to notice anything."

"I hope so. I don't know what Ryuichi will say, though."

. . . . . Silence reined the room.

"What did you dream of?"

Shuichi was startled. Why would Locke ask him that question? "Why do you ask? Did I say something in my sleep?" '_Oh my God, don't tell me I talked in my sleep'_'

For a moment, Locke looked like he was sad. "You were crying in your sleep."

The singer promptly closed his eyes at the unexpected statement. His dream came back in full force. When the constricting feeling in his chest dissipated a bit, he began telling Locke what he remembered from his dream. In his dream, he was like a ghost or a spirit. He didn't remember what he said but he remembered what his ex-lover said. He was confused, and he even cried in his dream. Shuichi didn't remember much, but he thought Yuki was close to tears too in there.

"I don't understand the dream at all," Shuichi concluded. "It doesn't make sense."

Taking pity on the singer's confused state, Locke reached out and pulled him into his embrace. "Most dreams do not make sense. Maybe you were thinking too much before you fell asleep last night." Shuichi didn't push him away. Instead, he was thankful for the comfort offered by his devoted manager. He would have cried if he wasn't so confused at that time."

"He wrote it for me, you know?"

"Eh?"

"The song. 'Darkest Corner'. _He_ wrote the song for _me_."

Locke tightened his hold on the man he secretly loved. ". . . I know."

And Shuichi cried.

x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x

Ding dong!

"I'm coming!"

Ryuichi waited patiently for someone to open the door. He hoped he got the address right. He would be damned if he misread his own handwriting. Anxiety was still scratching incessantly at his heart. Even the one-hour drive towards his destination did nothing to help his nervousness dissipate. A few minutes later, a man who looked like he was in his early forties opened the door. Whatever the man wanted to say died on his lips the moment he saw Ryuichi. For a while, they just stood there staring at each other silently. Only the chirping of merry birds could be heard in the background. The older man looked like he was in disbelief.

"Ryuichi?"

Ryuichi smiled and bowed politely. "It's been a while, Shinichi-oniisan."

**- To be Continued -**

Writer's Block suck big time, even when you have the outline ready… Forgive me for not updating. Some of you might have forgotten this story, but still… I just feel like finishing it.

**And thank you to those who reviewed the last chapter!** I appreciate all of them. Again, my apologies for taking too long to update.

This chapter would be more effective if you read it while listening to Ryan Cabrera's '**With You Gone**'.

Until later! Please leave your reviews and tell me what you think. If you want to, that is.


	10. Chapitre 8: Barophobia

Hello! As you can see, I'm not dead yet, though I expect many have forgotten this fic. Well, I myself almost forgot about it, so we'll consider it even. University (and a crap load of assignments!), problogging, part-time jobs and other fandoms steered me away from this fic, not to mention that I've lost the original draft. Still, here's the next chapter of Solitude Chronicles. Thank you for your continuous support – your e-mails, private messages and reviews – thank you for all of them. And I am terribly sorry for not being able to reply to them. I hope this satisfies you. And the lyric to the song (**How You Killed Me**) in this chapter was written by me XD

_"If only night can hold you where I can see you, my love  
Then let me never ever wake again  
And maybe tonight, we'll fly so far away  
We'll be lost before the dawn  
somehow I know that we cant wake again from this dream  
it's not real, but it's ours"  
**-**_** Before the Dawn by Evanescence _-_**

**Chapitre 8: Barophobia  
**_Fear of Gravity_

The computer screen glared at his tired eyes. For almost half an hour, Carlain spent his time staring at the open document on the crystal bright LCD, eyes sharp and focused on what was written there. There were three programs running – a scheduler, a word processor and an internet browser. Next to the laptop was a thick black book where his untouched coffee cup was laid to cool off. The intensity of Carl's eyes would have melted the screen had it not been for the fact that he possessed no supernatural abilities. His eyes ran back and forth between the scheduler and the word processor, and occasionally they would glance at the electronic article displayed on the internet browser.

The scheduler enlisted all of Shuichi's activities from the past year to the present date. Carl took a long time to analyse Shuichi's visit to England, which was written down in the scheduler. There was no accompanying note next to the departure, and Shuichi had gone to England alone for two whole weeks without a valid reason save for the singer's questionable just-looking-around excuse. Ryuichi had, of course, been so worried before Shuichi called to inform everyone of his whereabouts. Locke had almost filed a missing person report – in other words, Shuichi's sudden flight had been a disaster on their parts. The younger singer hesitated at first before telling them where he was, but that was until Carl threatened to trace his phone number.

Shindou Shuichi - Sage, had no relatives anywhere in Great Britain thus it remained a mystery as to what he was doing in the foreign country. While others had blindly accepted his excuse, Carlain had not believed in him. He was determined to get to the bottom of things. The internet article on his browser was an almost-answer to his dilemma; it was a lab report regarding a new medication targeted for Cancerous cells developed in the United Kingdom, mainly for brain and lung cancer. More than a hundred volunteers worldwide applied as testers, though the full extent of its effectiveness was yet to be reported.

Carlain Winchester was no fool; he knew how far-fetched Shuichi's symptoms to those of bronchitis. It was something more – something Carl was sure would devastate not only him but Ryuichi and everyone related to the younger singer. He was almost sure that it would affect Ryuichi the most that Shuichi found the need to keep his secrets sealed tightly away from the man. Carl did not like to preach, but he had to.

The door to his shared room swung open unceremoniously, revealing a shocked manager. Locke blinked stupidly at the state of the room. The curtain was tightly closed, allowing very little shower of sunlight to seep through the otherwise dark room. He peered at Carl, who had managed to switch to a game of Hearts the moment his friend threw the door open. To Carl's relief, Locke did not show any indication that he was suspicious of Carl's action. Shrugging his shoulders, the manager put a small black bottle on his nightstand and jumped into bed, covering his eyes with a pillow.

"Wake me up before lunch," Locke called out to Carl, which was answered with the latter's simple 'Sure.'

Soon enough, the only sound in the hotel room was reduced to Locke's soft snore and the ticking of the clock on the wall. Carl swept his eyes over the small bottle on Locke's nightstand. His frowned deepened at the similarity of the bottle to the one shown in the lab report he was reading.

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

Ryuichi stared at the cup of coffee being presented to him; his eyes followed the trail of vanishing steam it gave off, trying hard to avoid the eyes of his sole company in the empty living room. Sakuma Shinichi was just like how Ryuichi remembered - kind eyes and gentle smile.

"I put extra sugar inside just the way you like it," Shinichi proclaimed, breaking the impending silence.

Ryuichi risked a glance in the man's direction and he was immediately rewarded with a gentle, kind smile. A strong wave of guilt and shame washed over him. Suddenly Ryuichi found himself wanting to do nothing but break down and cry in front of this kind man.

"Shinichi-oniisan… ," he started, though not really knowing how and where to start. From the moment of short and simple exchange of greetings at the door, none of them really said anything. The silence between them was both a blessing and a curse to Ryuichi – a blessing because it gave Ryuichi time to devise words he wanted to say and a curse because it unnerved him to no ends. How do you start a conversation with someone whom you had not been on speaking terms with for over ten years? The singer certainly found it extremely hard, but all he could do was to go through it for he knew he had no one but himself to blame.

Shinichi put his steaming cup down and looked at Ryuichi. "How have you been all these years, Ryuichi?"

Ryuichi almost jumped at the question. It was asked in the gentlest tone he had ever heard, throwing him completely off guard. "I've been fine, I suppose."

_No, that's not it! What the hell was he saying?_ Ryuichi resisted the urge to pull his hair out in frustration. He summoned all the courage he had left and looked up to meet the older man's eyes. "No, that's not it. I… I… My life was a disaster, and it still is."

The older of the two straightened up in his seat. His gentle smile transformed into that of worry and ultimate concern. Ryuichi refused to break down. He had a lot in his mind to say and he definitely could not afford to lose his cool just yet. The storm in his head needed to be calmed, if not cleared. He took a deep breath, willing the inner turmoil bubbling on the surface of his heart to a calm rest rather unsuccessfully. He looked up just a little to see Shinichi looking at him with his smile in tact. Flashes of life from long ago threatened to choke him, and before he knew it, he felt warm tears trickling down his face.

It was then that Shinichi's eyes faltered into a mild look of panic. He reached out to the younger man, brushing the falling tears ever so slightly, afraid of scaring Ryuichi away. Ryuichi succumbed into the comfort; he closed his eyes and let the sudden rush of emotion overwhelm his senses. He wondered why he ever pushed the comforting warmth away when he still had it on daily basis years ago.

"You've been right all along, Shinichi-oniisan. I was wrong. So wrong," Ryuichi murmured forlornly. "Everything you told me was right. I just refused to accept the truth. I was scared to even know the truth."

_ "You need help, Ryuichi."_

_ Ryuichi looked up from his keyboard, arching his eyebrow in a challenging manner. He wondered what claptrap his brother was going to sprout this time around. He had had enough of the older man telling him how he should behave. He was tired of Shinichi trying to tell him what he should and should not do. He was not going to let his brother talk him out of his dream – he was not going to stop pursuing his dream job in the entertainment arena. Sakuma Ryuichi had the look, the voice, the charisma, the personality – he had everything a successful celebrity demanded. Ryuichi was damned if Shinichi asked him to give up his dream._

_ "What kind of shit is it this time? I don't want to listen to you telling me how bad celebrity life is for me. I told you I'm not going to change my mind."_

_ Shinichi let out a heavy sigh and looked at his brother with apparent dismay written all over his face. "I'm not referring to your choice of career, Ryuichi. I'm talking about you."_

_ Ryuichi rolled his eyes, annoyed. "Oh, what, pray tell, do you think I need help with? I can assure you I don't need help dressing myself or finding my way around. I'm not a little kid anymore, Onii-san. I'm old enough to decide what to do with my own life."_

_ For one brief moment, anger flashed in Shinichi's eyes. He yanked Ryuichi up by the collar and threw the boy against the wall, careful not to let his brother's head hit anything sharp. Before any protest was made, Shinichi pulled his brother's shorts down to his knees and pointed at his now exposed thighs._

_ Scars._

_ Self-inflicted scars._

_ Since the untimely death of his parents, Ryuichi had started to hurt himself. Somehow, he blamed himself, claiming he was the one who caused their death time and time again. The three of them we involved in a car accident, but Ryuichi was the only one who survived. His sweet, sweet mother died on the scene, and his dear father died on arrival in the ambulance. Ryuichi was fifteen, and still very much attached to his parents who never stopped giving him all the encouragements he needed in his life. When he learned of their death, he had wanted to die with them too._

_ "You need help, Ryuichi. Let me help you."_

_ Shinichi would have said more had Ryuichi not chose the moment to roughly push his brother away, sending the older man tumbling staggering backwards in shock. Rage, fiery rage, swallowed him whole. His eyes flared dangerously with fury, body shaking as he tried to slow his rapid breathing. The slightest feeling of guilt died as he reminded himself that Shinichi deserved it. He convinced himself that Shinichi did not have the right to pry into his business. Sakuma Shinichi deserved Ryuichi's anger._

_ "How dare you?!" Ryuichi spat, still consumed by rage and vengeful fury. "I'm perfectly content with what I do! I don't need help! And even if I do, I'm sure it wouldn't be from you! You couldn't even help your dying wife and you want to help me? You must be joking!"_

_ A loud pang resonated around the suddenly quiet room. Ryuichi's mind reeled from the impact of Shinichi's furious palm against his cheek. He didn't need a mirror to see the bruise that was forming. For a moment, time stood still between them. None of them moved or said anything for a full couple of minutes. Shinichi was quick to feel guilty about hitting his brother so hard. As small trickle of blood escaped Ryuichi's mouth following the impact, Shinichi knew he had gone too far._

_ "Ryuichi…"_

_ "No, don't say anything."_

_ Shinichi watched in stunned silence as Ryuichi shoved his clothes into a large trolley luggage he had and packed his keyboard into its carrying bag. With one final glance at Shinichi, Ryuichi headed for the door._

_ "Ryuichi –"_

_ "I'm leaving."_

_ "Wait –"_

_ The door slammed shut._

"You were too young, then. Your thirst for rebellion was still strong then. I'm sorry I did not understand you better."

Ryuichi shook his head. "No, you have nothing to be sorry for. I should be the one apologizing. Even if we were arguing, I should never have mentioned Rika-oneesan. It was not fair, I know. I guess I just wanted my words to hurt you."

He had been running away for too long. He refused to succumb to the force of gravity - refused to be pulled back down to Earth. He refused to see how far he had strayed from the path he once led.

Silence reigned between them until Ryuichi finally looked up to gaze into the understanding eyes of his elder brother. Without hesitation, he rolled his sleeves up and showed Shinichi the scars he had, now without any dollop of makeup to hide them from view.

"I need your help, Shinichi-oniisan."

Shinichi smiled.

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

Shindou Shuichi was an angel, Yuki thought earnestly.

Even after he had done and said hurtful things that drove Shuichi away from him, they young man could still plead in his letter to his friends to spare Yuki the blame. If Shuichi did not blame him, why did he greet Yuki with hurtful words? Why did he not want to see any of them? Why did he live without telling anyone? Why did he hide his letter so.. so… carefully? Even though the letter was addressed to his former band members, Shuichi had hidden the letter so neatly as if he did not want them to find it. Maybe he hoped his friends would never find the letter.

"Did Ryuichi leave you anything?" Tatsuha inquired, looking straight at Tohma who was still reading Shuichi's letter.

The president shook his head in dismay. "Unfortunately, no. I couldn't find anything in our workroom or his old apartment. When Nakano-san first informed me of Shindou-kun's letter, I had immediately started looking around for anything that Ryuichi might leave for us to find. I couldn't find any. I guess he really didn't leave anything behind."

Tatsuha closed his eyes, swallowing back the pain that threatened to resurface.

_There is no other way for me._

Hiro and Suguru were most confused by that single line. What could possibly be so bad that Shuichi thought there was no other way to escape it but to leave everything he had behind? Even K could not determine the real reason behind Shuichi's abrupt flight. It is even weirder that the letter held an air of desperation so great that it left its readers breathless. They could feel Shuichi's desperation – his frustration, his confusion, and his overpowering grief. The only thing they could not decipher was the reason 'why'.

Their attention immediately switched to Tohma who cleared his throat softly as he look at the other occupants of the small meeting room. "I don't want to say this, but… Um… Shindou-san sounded as if something he could not help had happened to him."

K frowned at the notion. "Something he could not help?"

Tohma nodded. "Something like… Death."

Yuki held his breath. Tohma did not just say what he thought he said. Tohma did not just associate Shuichi to the dreadful word 'death'. "Why would you say that?" He asked softly, anticipating what his brother-in-law had to say about his premonition.

"He said it's even better for him if we hate him or forget about him. He sounded like he was going to die, and he left to save us the pain of losing someone we love in the hands of Death. If we hate him, it won't affect us at all if he dies."

Tohma's words rendered everyone speechless. The room fell into perturbed silence as they relate the content of Shuichi's letter and Shuichi's reaction upon their little 'reunion' to what Tohma had just said.

Could it possibly be true?

Now that Yuki could think clearly, the blood that Shuichi claimed to be unreal did not seem fake at all. The substance looked real in Yuki's memory. Was it real blood? Was Shuichi sick?

Was Shuichi dying?

"No, that can't be true."

All heads snapped towards Yuki. The novelist kept shaking his head, continuously denying the hypothesis. There must be another answer as to why Shuichi left. Shuichi. Could. Not. Be. Dying.

"He can't be dying."

"Eiri-san…"

"NO!"

They watched helplessly as Yuki bolted from the room and promptly vanished from view before Tatsuha anyone could call him back.

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

_You were the love I once held dear  
in my eyes, in my mind, it was all clear  
I would let you take it all away  
I would die for you every other day  
Even if it's just so I know you're okay  
I refused to know, refused to see_

_That your eyes never really saw me  
and now I live with the truth  
and I'm screaming  
I'm crying  
I'm bleeding_

_I cried the day I realised  
You killed me with your eyes  
your golden coils of lies  
You killed me with your lips  
your mouth forever zipped  
You killed me with your heart  
your shining work of art  
Did you not see? (Did you not see)  
Did you not see how you killed me?_

_You were the one who held my heart  
in my eyes, in my mind, we were never apart  
I would let you take it all away  
I would die for you every other day  
Just to hear you say you're okay_

_I refused to know, refused to see  
That your eyes never really saw me  
and now I live with the truth  
and I'm screaming  
I'm crying  
I'm bleeding_

_You told me you just realised  
You killed me with your eyes  
your golden coils of lies  
You killed me with your lips  
your mouth forever zipped  
You killed me with your heart  
your shining work of art  
Why is it only now you see? (Did you not see?)  
Did you not see how you killed me?_

_You were the love I once held dear  
You were the one who held my heart  
And that is how you killed me  
time and time again..._

Shuichi stared at the music sheet. Somehow, the new lyrics fit snugly into the melody. He personally liked the way the lyrics rolled off his tongue, synchronizing with the melody he composed from the scratch. Ryuichi was not there when he woke up. He wanted to show the piece to the older man, all the while wondering what Locke and Carl would say to it. It was not as heartbreaking as the last song he composed. Granted, he was still very much shaken after everything that happened from before and after their first concert. Seeing Yuki again after so long shattered his confidence. It shook the barrier he struggled to build around himself. Even after so long, Yuki still had an extremely powerful effect on Shuichi. He should have know, having infatuated with the handsome novelist for years.

He was about to sing the song for the second time when the door to his room was opened by Carlain. Shuici offered a bright smile upon seeing the young producer closing the door behind him. The moment he saw the grim look of Carl's face, however, his smile faltered.

"What's the matter, Carl?"

Carl held Shuichi's gaze, determination set in place. "We need to talk."

**- To be continued -**

Ah… I have seriously lost my touch…


End file.
